How I Became a Wiccan

How I Became a Wiccan

Author: Aset-Nuit

Everyone has their own stories of how they found their religion, whether it was hereditary or long searched for. Everyone has their own emotions behind how their religion makes them feel and why they chose to follow that particular path, and why it is so important to them. Without my religion and spirituality I feel that I would be in a much darker world with a pessimistic outlook on life. I would remain blindfolded and ignorant to the magick and amazement that this world has to offer; anyone can find it, anyone and feel, taste, hear, hold, and see it, only if they want it and open their eyes to it.

To do so is to be embraced by the true divine.

I had always been fascinated with witchcraft, fairies, magick, spirits and nature ever since I was tiny. I can remember making potions that would heal terrible diseases, and casting spells that would invoke fairies and nature spirits when I was eight years old; pottering about the garden collecting seeds, and berries to grind up and make potions, and building fairy houses in the apple trees.

I was well known for it, yet my mum used to joke and tease me about it – not in a nasty way but in a slightly patronizing way (I was eight after all) . Even though I believed in what I did and what I saw in the enchanting world around me, I was firmly told that it was make-believe.

Eventually I grew out of it. My interest in magick and nature was still within me but remained sealed tightly in a box in the corner of my mind, labeled “fiction”. Naturally I had been laughed at once I got to a certain age and so my thoughts diminished almost altogether on the subject.

In early secondary school, I went through a tough time and so eventually — after passing my short-lived rebellious stage and then my depressive Goth stage — I finally melted into a sad, yet peaceful Christian stage. I knew there was a God, or deity, and thought that Christianity was the only thing out there to reach it.

I called myself Christian even though I didn’t truly understand the bible stories. I innocently rebelled slightly with thoughts that maybe “God” was in the air and grass, and water, and sky, around us – a very Pagan thought indeed! (Although I didn’t know this at the time.) I was however still very comforted by the aspect that there was a God, and I felt safer when I prayed.

But soon, when things in my life got worse, I began to question Christian beliefs. (I began to ask the big old one: “If there is a God, why do we suffer?”) I could accept God, in some ways, (though there are so many things for me to question in the Christian view of God) yet I couldn’t really accept the Christian teachings and Jesus.

I was distressed and so when I heard the word “Pagan” on TV, I was intrigued. It had been a word that had appealed to me, yet I had never understood what it meant, or what it was exactly.

I was absolutely shocked when I found out that everything I believed in, that God didn’t necessarily have to be predominantly male, and that he might not just be a bearded man on a cloud, and that witchcraft, fairies and magick did exist, were common beliefs in an actual religion!

I thought I was just highly imaginative and lived in my own make-believe world. Imagine the feeling of being told that everything that you believe in, to the very core of your soul, was not real. You want it desperately to be real, yet you were firmly told that it wasn’t.

Then after years of letting your brain soak up this devastating information, you discover that — surprise! — it is all real. You could believe it all again! You become overwhelmed and hope swells in your chest…

Paganism was always of interest to me so I looked it up on the Internet. It was all very new to me: The idea that we could worship and love nature and have a female deity! The Sabbats interested me the most. It was really weird to see religious festivals celebrated on certain familiar days, with uncanny similarities. I had had no idea that the Christians had actually taken old Pagan festivals and traditions and used them in their own religion.

I think that when you find a religion, after seeing what is out there, you will know right away when you have found the one that is yours. I felt an immediate, emotional connection.

Halloween wasn’t just a day when I dressed up as a pumpkin. It was a spiritual time and an important holiday. Easter felt more personal and important to me as Ostara, the Spring fertility festival.

I soon went on to read about Wicca, a branch of Paganism. I was completely blown away! It was everything I had ever believed in.

As is usual in teens, I had found it difficult to accept myself for who I am. I felt insignificant compared to my “friends” and those around me. When I realized who I was, an eclectic Wiccan, I felt like ME. I felt whole. I had my answers, and had found the world that had since then, been hidden in the depth of my mind and heart, and that was now dancing before me in reality.

And nobody could now tell me otherwise.

My mum and sisters still mock me and my older sister asks me to do ridiculous and unneeded spells for her – which I refuse. I have to still repeat that Wicca ‘isn’t all about spell casting’ and that I cannot, and will not, cast a spell that is not needed, and even more so one that will force someone to fall in love.

When they mock, I sometimes even join in a little. I often sit and watch TV with a witch’s hat on, and ironically now, I dress up as a witch for Halloween.

Even though my family teases me, I know my mum is secretly proud. When she is asked about her kids she always tells them that her daughter is a Wiccan. Even though she doesn’t understand what it is, she knows that it is a gentle, kind, and compassionate religion.

I feel better about myself now, than I did when I was a Christian. On this note, I would never say that Christianity is bad or wrong! Granted that every religion has people who behave in ways that perhaps they shouldn’t and can be cruel, or corrupt. But I would also say that every religion, at the end of the day, is a pathway to the divine. They are all as valid as each other. You just need to find the one that is right for you personally.

Wicca is perfect for me and I think that it has always been within me.