the daily humorscopes for wednesday, october 12th

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You will develop a severe craving for peanut butter cookies, today. You know — the fresh homemade kind, that you squish down on the cookie sheet with a fork, making a cross-hatched pattern? They are incredibly yummy when they’re still warm, like that, huh? I don’t know where your craving will come from. Possibly something you read.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

That rash should clear up soon, Bob. Oh stop worrying. I won’t tell anyone.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

This is not a good day to start a new romance. Particularly not a new romance based on a personals classified ad in the back of Mad magazine.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Today you will irritate people. In fact, you’ll irritate yourself.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Angst day, today.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Today you will be either snug as a bug in a rug, or smug as a thug on a drug. Hard to say for sure.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

It will turn out that someone you spend a great deal of time with is actually one of the last remaining Sinanthropus (Peking man), rather than an actual Cro-Magnon. This will explain things you’d been wondering about.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting “Hark!” however.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

This week you will discover the first of the Three Big Secrets Of Success: It’s really hard to fail, if you have no purpose.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Good time to get your finances in order. Luckily, in your case that simply means putting the one dollar bills in front of the fives, in your wallet.

Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)

Today you will be invited to go on a 3 hour boat tour, which you think will be lots of fun. It may last longer than you expect…

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You will become trapped in the sofa, again. People will point and laugh.