the daily humorscope
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Go find something flat, and scribble on it. People have been doing that for tens of thousands of years, and it’s mostly been ok.
Good day to work on your catapult. You never know when it could come in handy. Besides, it’s good to worry your neighbors a bit — keeps them civil.
No news is not good news, today. In fact, no news is at best mediocre news.
Today will mark the first time you’ve ever actually “wrestled” a largish reptile. Although an unexpected experience, you will find it strangely stimulating, and may decide to pursue it as a career.
Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated.
You still have way too much to do. You always have too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself. Ever try saying “no”? Sheesh.
Someone will ask you for your advice. Don’t give it! Or if they insist, simply shake your head solemnly, and mutter “Much bad juju”, and refuse to clarify. They only want a scapegoat.
Time to stop beating around the bush. Beat the bush itself. Give it a good thrashing, and say “bad bush!” in a loud stern tone.
You will notice an odd stone “egg” in an antique shop. Don’t bring it home. They’re very hungry right after they hatch.
It was a simple mistake, which anyone could have made. What’s more, now you know better. I think, though, that the expression is too widespread for you to actually get it changed to “never look a gift horse in either end”.
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to your leg, and will be impossible to remove. Eventually, you’ll simply get used to it.
Good time to get involved in the Fiber Arts. Why not see what you can do with Metamucil?