the daily humorscope
Monday, September 12, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Good day to go around “nudging” people.
You will overhear a whispered conversation, regarding how cute it is the way someone wiggles their tushy when they walk. You will have an uncomfortable feeling that they may be referring to you. This may make you a trifle self-conscious.
Nobody knows the trouble you’ve seen. Let’s just hope you can somehow keep it that way!
You will finally come to understand what Mies Van der Rohe was talking about when he said “Less is more.” He was talking about his brother, Lester Van der Rohe, and was referring to a small weight-gain problem.
Someone named Tyrone is about to sell you a vacuum cleaner. There’s nothing much you can do about it, I’m afraid.
You will finally get the television exposure you’ve been wanting, by organizing a group of protesters to block the entrance to a physics lab, holding crudely-lettered signs saying “Down With Gravity!”.
Good day to put strange labels on your binders and file cabinets, such as “launch codes”, “who’s been naughty”, or “Snerge”. This will be quite effective in distracting visitors, so they will often forget what ever they were preparing to bother you about.
Excellent time to show the world that plaid and stripes do too mix. (Tip #12 of Arnold Pinknobble’s “How To Get Noticed”.)
You will vow to always tell the truth, but it will backfire on you. Most people find that kind of behaviour highly suspicious, and more than a little deviant.
You will make some new friends today. One of them will be on some sort of “sacred quest”, which will make a good ice-breaker. (“So…what’s with the coconuts?”)
Today you will discover a way to have your cake and eat it too! Unfortunately, everyone else will think that’s really disgusting.
You are about to get yourself into a bit of a jam. Strawberry, I think.