A Little Humor for Your Life – Need Excuses for Work? Pick One, lol!

I cant come into work today because my leg is stuck in the drain outside of my house, and the rescue team haven’t arrived yet to get it out.
I cant come to work because I lost the house keys I’m locked in.
Dave can’t come to work today because, I, his other personality has taken over and I dont work.
It is against my religion to work on Mondays and Wednesdays.
I  have amnesia, who r u? ………work?…………..I work?
I’d love to come to work today, but I got on the wrong train and I’m now in Edinburgh.
I’m just about to reach enlightenment, so I cant possibly come to work because it will disturb my practices.
I cant come to work because the aliens are coming tonight and I’m baking cakes to give to them as peace offerings.
I’m not coming to work today….. “why not?” ……. because….. I’m not
I  cant come to work because they are after me!!…………. “who?……………. Ahhhhhhhh(hear shouting and bangs) ………”hello?……………??”
My friend can’t come into work today because I knocked him out.
I saved so much money by switching to Geico I don’t have to work today
I’m sorry but my eyes are just in bad shape right now. I just cant see myself going into work today.
Sorry boss I cant go to work today because my car keys grew legs of their own and ran off!
Sorry I cannot take the job, When I was but a youngster a wise man told that there are two days a year that if you work you will surely die. I was so young that I forgot to ask what those two days were and now because of fear I cannot work any day of the year.
I can’t(grunt) come in to (grunt) work today, I HAVE (grunt) EXPLOSIVE DIARREA!!!!!!
I’m not sure when I’ll be in to work…I am in the shower and the shampoo bottle says to, “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.” I might be here for a loooong time.
I can’t come into work today, I have anal glacoma. What? I can’t see my butt coming into work!!!
I dont have my work clothes so I wouldnt be coming in today
I’ll be late for work today becuase I was on my way to the car, and see it was hot out so I decided I needed to take a break.