What’s Your “Southern” Sign? Some of us (especially Southerners) are
pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that what we
need are “Southern” symbols:

OKRA (Dec 22 – Jan 20) Although you appear crude, you are actually very
slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can
look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere.
Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 – Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A
chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he’s motivated and
has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can
erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 – Mar 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You’re
unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore
deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very
intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their
right mind is going to marry you, so don’t worry about it.

MOON PIE (Mar 21 – Apr 20) You’re the type that spends a lot of time on
the front porch. It’s a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of
Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. This might be the year
to think about aerobics. Or – maybe not.

POSSUM (Apr 21 – May 21) When confronted with life’s difficulties,
possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
don’t-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn,
people actually think you’re dead. This strategy is probably not really
healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won’t work and
you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 – June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an
office, you’re always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer
the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to
the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically,
but you have a very, very good head.

COLLARDS (June 22 – July 23) Collards have a genius for communication.
They love to get in the “melting pot” of life and share their essence
with the essence of those around them.. Collards make good social
workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal
life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won’t
work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 – Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the
heart, although one’s whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You
catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy
bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should
stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 – Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like
yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a
club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or
bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all
these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 – Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help
your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best – your friends
and loved ones – may find that your personality is much too salty, and
their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really
much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody
you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the
road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop
for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 – Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter
Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be
proud. You’ve grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter
what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too,
shouldn’t have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 – Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough
exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old
friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a
throwback. You’re not concerned with today’s fashions and trends. You’re
not concerned with anything about today. You’re really almost
prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want
to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another possibility