A Little Humor for Your Day – You Might Be a Redneck Pagan If…..

You Might Be a Redneck Pagan If…..

-If you call the God & Goddess by hollerin’ “Hey, Y’all! Watch me!”….

-If you’ve ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker…..

-If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod….

-If your Bard plays the banjo…..

-If your favorite painting of the Goddess gives her hair like Reba McEntire…..

-If your power animal is a pitbulldog…..

-If you worship the gods of cheap beer and Nascar…….

-If your broom has four-wheel drive and SC plates…..

-If your coven-stead is propped up on cinder blocks….

-If your favorite Great Rite partner is your first, second AND third
cousin……

-If you envoke the spirits so that your beer lasts longer……

-If you pray nightly to the god of big tires…..

-If you can play “The Burning Times” on the banjo…..

-If your favorite ritual libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still…..

-If you sacrifice bbq and pork rinds on a altar made of old car hoods….

-If you have a combined Maypole Dance/Tractor Pull/Turkey Shoot for Beltane….

-If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells into the fire….

-If when your priestess says “Blessed Be” in circle, you respond with “YEEE-
HAW!”

-If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says, “The circle is open but
unbroken…”

-If your robes are made out of denim with Harley Davidson patches…..

-If your high priestess’ hair gets caught in the ceiling fan…..

-If your most sacred altar items include, hubcap a velvet painting and a half-
empty can of chaw…..

-If your altar cloth is a Confederate flag…..

-If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup’s gun rack…..

-If your craft name starts with Bubba…..

-If your maiden sweeps the circle with a weedwacker…..

-If you’ve ever cooked road-kill stew in your cauldron…..

-If your cauldron looks a whole lot like a spitoon…..

-If your altar cloth is vinyl…..

-If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly…..

-If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart (ouch!)…..

-If you’ve ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football
team…..

-If your neighbor thinks “the Great Rite” has something to do with Jerry
Falwell….

-If you’ve ever meditated to “Dueling Banjos”….

-If you leave beef jerky out for Samhain….

-If your circle dance is a two step…

-If your familiar can point quail…

-If your familiar keeps mice out of the grainery….

-If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture….

-If your altar has a spit cup….

-If any part of your invocation of the South Quarter includes any line from any
song by Lynard Skynard….

-If your athame is by Bowie….

-If you smoke Salem cigarettes for the historical significance…

-Or you found out your familiar is an opossum – and still ate it,
…….you might be a redneck Pagan!