A Little Humor for your day – Astrology Lightbulb Jokes

Astrology

Q: How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many Taurus does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What, me move?

Q: How many Gemini does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2

Q: How many Cancer does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

Q: How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb? A: A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.

Q: How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Libras can’t decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They LIKE the dark.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light’s fine as it is.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What light bulb?

Q: How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Don’t ask me now, Mercury’s retrograde!”

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb?

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb?

Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?

Taurus: One, but just “try” to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done — they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done.

Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

Leo: Leo’s don’t change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they’re out.

Virgo: Approximately 1.000000000000000000 with an error of 1 millionth.

Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No — on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?

Scorpio: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

Sagittarius: The sun in shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Capricorn: I don’t waste my time with these childish jokes.

Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so…..

Pisces: Light bulb? What light bulb?

Power of the Flowers Daily Reading: Apple Blossom

Apple Blossom             

    Beautiful apple blossoms sparkle,
    Like multitudes of tiny stars.                                   
    Teach me hope and faith, I pray,
    So that I may offer your cosmic riches,
    Each and every earthly day.

Latin: Malus communis

Color(s): White and Pink

Archetype: Astarte, Queen of the Stars. Astarte was the “true sovereign of the world,” perpetually destroying the old in order to give rise to the new. She ruled over all the stars in heavens, and as the mother of all star-children, gave birth to the mysterious prototype of the Virgin Mary.

Signature: In the spring, the apple tree produces blossoms in delicate pink and pure, five-petaled, white varieties. By their delightful fragrance and store of nectar, they attract swarms of bees, and as a result of this fertilization, the fruit develops, becoming in autumn the succulent, ripe apple.

Healing Properties: Apple blossom purifies the emotions, assists the body in ridding itself of poisons from the past, and restores hope to one’s inner life.

Healing: You are offered a “star-filled” gift from the Apple Blossom. Astarte’s association with Aphrodite and Venus, “the Morning Star,” highlights the power of immense love and hope available to you during times of creative transformation. In Native American mythology, the Evening Star, wata-jis, heralds the emergence of the Starry Medicine Bowl in its full glory. Its presence is thought to offer a glimpse into the profound mysteries of life, death and rebirth. In many cultures, stars have come to represent hope, birth, and change. Astarte, for example, holds the golden star, while gazing with wonder into its magical depths, for she knows that the star is never stagnant. Five is the number of creative change, holding all potential within its holographic form. The star resides within the apple, a symbol of the feminine. Just as you must bite into an apple in order to expose its buried treasure, the star you must also go to the intuitive core of your psyche in order to re-imagine and create life anew. The star of hope that Astarte offers is not the whole answer, but in some elusive way, hope ushers in faith, and deep in our hearts we begin to believe that our “Morning Star will rise again.”

The apple blossoms surrounding Astarte represent the flowering potential that is yours and yours alone. The medicine of the great Bowl of Stars surrounds you, as the cosmic canopy of lighted stars manifests visions of new hope. Deep in your own heart of hearts, lives the star Queen’s love, rich and plentiful, helping you to cleanse your soul aura and emerge vibrant and healthy.

‘May we live in peace without weeping. May our joy outline the lives we touch without ceasing. And may our love fill the world, angel wings tenderly beating.’
 
The Universal Heart Center