the daily humorscope

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

 

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

Most people are aware that it’s supposed to be good luck to toss a pinch of salt over your left shoulder. Today you will discover that it’s even better luck to toss a carton of yogurt over your right shoulder.

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

That rash should clear up soon, Bob. Oh stop worrying. I won’t tell anyone.

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

Good day to bring donuts to a meeting. Later, ask people how their diets are going.

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

You will discover a bassoon player hiding in the shrubbery. That’s not something you should try to deal with yourself — call in the professionals.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

Later this week you’ll feel much like Scarlet O’Hara did, when she said, “I’ll never be hungry again!”

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

This will be a day filled with tragically many sneezes. At least it’ll be a good opportunity to learn how to sneeze “cute”.

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

Today will be Mexican Food day, for you. In fact, chances are better than 1 in 3 that someone will refer to you as “Frijole-breath” before the day is through.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

In an unfortunate turn of events, someone sitting across from you will have a peculiar variant of a bad hair day…a bad nosehair day.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Today you will be “mooned” by a cat. Fortunately, you won’t notice.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Don’t lose hope! Conditions like yours are painful and embarassing, but often clear up on their own.

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

Nothing especially remarkable will happen today. You will get a strange urge to talk like Ziggy Marley, but it will pass.

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

Those spiders are growing larger around your house, and it’s becoming more of a challenge to escape. You may want to consider acquiring a flame thrower. (Hint: illicit nuclear dump nearby.)