the daily humorscope
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will declare war on drugs, today, and will glare menacingly at your pharmacist.
You will overhear people talking about you today, and realize that you have a reputation as a real stud hombre cyber-muffin. You will find that intensely irritating.
Today, someone named “Svlad” will appear at your door, carrying a large inflatable penguin and a bag of pistachio nuts. Despite your better judgement, you will let him in.
Beware of iguanas, today.
Twelve freshly cut rods (made from ash) will be found in a peculiar pattern on the lawn. Two large black crows will watch you solemnly from the top of a parked VW Microbus. The weather will turn colder, and the air, although clear, will seem grey. Don’t worry, though, it’s probably nothing.
You will be followed by an evil-looking man in an old green Ford pickup truck. Surprisingly, it will turn out that following people is just his hobby, and you have nothing to worry about.
Bad day to call someone a “whiney gen-x cybercowboy.” Tomorrow’s better, for that one.
You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony. You’ll be asked to knock it off.
To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with “muzac” in the grocery store. It’s the beginning of the long slow slide, I’m afraid. Next stop: collecting “nick nacks.”
Unaccountably, everything you eat will remind you of wild hickory nuts. This is the first sign of Gibbon’s Syndrome, and you should seek immediate medical attention. You don’t want to end up getting arrested for eating your neighbor’s shrubbery…
You will have trouble with the telephone, in which, no matter what number you call, you reach “Mo’s Leather Emporium”. Don’t take it lightly.
Someone will turn a cold shoulder to you, and your feelings will be hurt. You’ll get even by turning a tepid elbow to them, later. Just don’t let it escalate to the blazing ankles stage, is all.
Witches Of The Craft® 