Category: A Laugh for Today

A Little Humor for Your Day – “Boy, oh boy, I can relate to this, The Definition of Barbecuing!” c.2014

Definition of Barbecuing

It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do. When a man volunteers to do the ‘BBQ’ the following chain of events are put into motion:

1) The woman goes to the store.
2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4) The man places the meat on the grill.
5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10) Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

Website can no longer be reached Source: JokesWarehouse.com

A Little Humor for Your Day – And Goddess Made Dogs and Cats c. 2012

And Goddess Made Dogs & Cats

Man said, “Goddess, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here, and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.”

And the Goddess said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever, who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be at times, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.”

And the Goddess created a new animal to be a companion for Man. And it was a good animal. And the Goddess was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Man, and he wagged his tail a lot.

And Man said, “Goddess, I have already named all the animals on your Earth. I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”

And the Goddess said, “No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a partial reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.”

And DOG lived with Man, was a companion to him, and loved him. And DOG was beside Man, all the day long. And Man was comforted. And the Goddess was pleased. And DOG was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Man’s spirit guide came to the Goddess and said, “Mother, Man has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock, and he believes he is worthy of adoration. DOG has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well.”

And the Goddess said, “No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever, who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration.”

And the Goddess created CAT to be a companion to Man.

And CAT would not obey Man. And CAT would love Man when CAT chose to love Man, and not when Man chose CAT to share affection.

And when Man gazed into CAT’s eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Man learned humility.

And the Goddess was pleased. And Man was greatly improved. And DOG was happy, and wagged his tail.

Author: EagleStar Source: The Pagan Library

I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

Merry part until we merry meet again!

A Little Humor for Your Day

 I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!

A Little Humor for Your Day

 I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!

A Little Humor for Your Day

 I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!

A Little Humor for Your Day

Signs That You Drink Too Much Coffee

You answer the door before people knock.

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You ski uphill.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people’s fingernails.

Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”

You can type sixty words per minute… with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

No-Doze is a downer.

You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.

Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

You buy half-and-half by the barrel.

You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

People get dizzy just watching you.

You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.

The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

Instant coffee takes too long.

When someone says “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

You short out motion detectors.

You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.

You don’t tan, you roast.

You can’t even remember your second cup.

You help your dog chase its tail.

 I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!

A Little Laugh for Your Day – “Thou Hast Just Received A Virus, lol” c2015

Thou hast just received the Amish Virus.

As we haveth no technology nor programming experience, this virus worketh on the honour system.

Please delete all the files from thy hard drive and manually forward this virus to all on thy mailing list.

We thank thee for thy cooperation.

— The Amish Computer Engineering Dept.

(I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!)

A Little Humor for Your Day – “How To Give A Cat A Pill Plus Bonus Instructions!” c.2016

How To Give A Cat A Pill

(with bonus instructions on how to give a dog a pill)

How to Give a Cat a Pill

  1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
  2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
  3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
  4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
  5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
  6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
  7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
  8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
  9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
  10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
  11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
  12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin’ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
  13. Tie the dang thing’s front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
  14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
  15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill

  1. Wrap it in bacon.

 

For more great Pagan humor, visit Turok’s Cabana

A Little Humor for Your Day

 I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!

A Little Humor for Your Day

 I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!

A Little Humor for Your Day

 I hope the rest of your and your family day and evening is relaxing, filled with fun, laughter, some me time, and love.

If you want to see information on any tradition of witchcraft, herbs, flowers, a Goddess or a God, or anything pertaining to any tradition of witchcraft, please put it in the comment section or email Lady Carla Beltane at ladybeltane@witchesofthecraft.com. I will try to find some information to post about it.

Merry part until we merry meet again tomorrow!