I get to work at the carnival again next week. Which means we will be leaving the house around 9:30 AM CDT and not getting until I do not know about when yet. The reason we both will be working it is we really need the extra money to catch up two bills that are a bit behind. The other reason I want to work it is being surrounded by children of all ages being in a good mood which will release positive energy around me. So posts may be even more messed up for which I apologize.
I feel that I should share a fuller explanation about what has been going on with me the past few weeks and will probably continue until the first week in September. Also today August 12th would have been my parents 65 wedding anniversary. They only got to celebrate 11 before my dad crossed into the Summerlands in April, 1970
My mother had surgery to drain fluid and blood from an aera of her brain that was caused by a fall in the beginning of July, 2015. The drain tube was not securely placed and fell out way to soon. The doctor did nothing further at that time so she wound up back in the hospital needing basically the same surgery repeated around the last week of July 2015. From this second surgery she only woke up two times for 30 to 45 minutes each. When she started having seizure the doctor ordered a brain wave test to be done. The test results showed basically no brain activity. So I conference called my children and explained per my mom’s wishes I was taking her off of all machines, and nothing would be done to keep her alive. The only thing the hospital was allowed to do was give her medicine to keep her comfortable.
So on August 3, 2015 with 4 of my 5 children present and the rector of my mom’s church present there was a prayer said to ask “God” to take care. And thus begun my 21 day 24/7 vigil at my mom’s hospital bedside waiting for my mom to cross into the Summerlands. This was in addition to the two different times I stayed with her in the ICU.
I have not yet fully forgiven myself for being outside having a cigarette when she drew her last breath on August 24, 2015. The days of waiting for the autopsy, making arrangements with my middle son, the funeral service, making phone calls, and for at least a couple months after are mostly a blurr in my mind.
But the single thing I can remember in vivid detail to this day is me making a pentagram out of twigs and than breaking each one while each time asking the Goddess to take my mom so her silent suffering would stop. As I broke the last stick I felt a powerful tug in my heart and root chakras. This let me know my request was answered and my mom had crossed. So it was not a shock when I got back to the floor she was on and the nurses stopping me before I reach her that she had passed but they were waiting on a doctor to make it official. Leaving her time of death about 20 minutes later than when I knew she had crossed the veil.
My mom I know planned her date to die as it is my oldest granddaughters birthday. My mom was many things but to me her greatest accomplishment was and is her descendants and living her life to the fullest. So she made sure we had something full of life to celebrate instead of an anniversary would bring us heartache year after year.
Thank you for bearing with me for the extra days I too off in July and this month. Please bear with me a few more weeks while I get through this yearly emotional period. Thank you very much!