A Laugh for Today – A Little Humor for Your Day – You know you’re getting older when c. 2013

You know you’re getting older when


  • Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
  • The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
  • You feel like the night before, and yo9u haven’t been anywhere.
  • Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
  • You get winded playing chess.
  • Your children begin to look middle-aged.
  • You finally reach the top of the ladder, and you find it leaning against   the wrong wall.
  • You join a health club and don’t go.
  • You begin to outlive enthusiasm
  • You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.
  • Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet.
  • A dripping faucet causes uncontrollable bladder urge.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.
  • Your favorite part of the newspaper is “Twenty-five Years Ago Today.”
  • You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
  • Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.
  • You regret all those temptations you resisted.
  • You’re 17 around the neck and 44 around the waist, and 105 around the golf   course.
  • You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
  • After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying   a second coat.
  • Dialing long distance wears you out.
  • You are startled the first time someone’s calls you Old-timer.
  • You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.
  • You just can’t stand people who are intolerant.
  • The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
  • You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 p.m.
  • Your back goes out more often than you do.


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