(This is about how my life feels right now)
I got to thinking this morning, since the office is nice and quiet, except for Jacob & the killer Pomeranian being here, that perhaps you thought I was trying to pull some scam over on you. What do I mean by that, I have an office full of women who are assisting us in any way possible. Unfortunately, that could not be the furthest from the truth. There is no one here except for me. I put out today’s digest, no one else was around. I called them from out of state and told them to lock the doors on the place and go home. That was while we were out of state, when Mystie passed. I honestly believed that when I returned they wouldn’t like the person coming back. Right now it is a constant fight between the black witch I was and the witch I am now. The temptation grows every day. I told you once a black witch, a part of that stays with you. It waits for the right time to surface and with my life the way it has been, it is starting to surface. I can hear it whisper, “you wouldn’t have to beg people for money to feed the boys, you wouldn’t have to work about the lights or water being cut off, you can have it all. Just come back! It is eating at me. I am very angry at the world right now. I have lost someone very special to me and I am angry about it. I don’t want to be around people because I don’t want anyone to see me like this. Doing the daily digest takes my mind off of it for a bit.
I believe the only thing that is keeping me sane and from turning is Mystie’s son, Jacob. We walked in this morning and the first thing he wanted to know was which desk was his mother’s. I showed him and he stayed in her seat the biggest part of the time we were here. He would wander around but he always came back to her desk. Joseph came in for a bit and Jacob grabbed him and told him, “he wanted to show him where their mother had worked.” I watched them and it seemed like I could see Mystie’s spirit hovering around them. They seemed to have a moment of peace, which after so many tears was a relief. They deserve some peace and they deserve their lives to return to normal. Then that little voice in the back of my head came whispering out, “you could give them everything and more. Just come back!” Amazingly enough, I was face to face with Mystie’s spirit. She pointed her finger in my face and told me she knew exactly what I was thinking and added, “don’t you dare!” The boys are getting a rather fast lesson in the life I lead, they saw their mother in my face. Their reaction was mixed to say the least.
You ever have time when you wonder if all the work you have done over the years has meant anything? Those thoughts have run through my mind also. I have wondered if everything I have done over the years have meant a thing to anyone. Its amazing when you have time by yourself the things you can think of. Then I remembered the commitment to the Goddess I made many years ago. Perhaps I had a dark moment of the soul, who knows. But I remembered that and was snapped back to my seses and what really mattered. Raising and seeing what two young boys have what they need, keeping a roof over their head, keeping them fed, hanging on the WOTC for as long as possible and continue the work I started. I decided it might not mean anything to anyone else but it does me. Look around and see how many of these sites are left. See how many you can find.
I will ask one more time for your help in helping me fed my new family, providing them with a place to live and call home and just hang in there to Lord Myst can get back. I hope you understand now it is just me, two boys and a pooch. No one else around, just us. We need your help until I can get a job. Yes, I have started to look for work also. I don’t want to be a “bum” of a witch for the rest of my life.
Well I feel better, it’s all out in the open now and I will leave the rest up to you…..
Thank you, Stacey.