White Light Coven Application
The Mystical Wiccan Coven Grove of the Glittery Butterfly Unicorn of Magical Healing and Holy White Light of Divine Spiritual Spiffiness and Enchanted Smiling Faerie Goddess of the Brilliant Light of Wonderfulness is Currently accepting applications.
Hi! On behalf of the MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW group, I’d just like to say…Hi! We’re a loving, accepting group of Eclectic Wiccans who worship the LIGHT! We believe that you can’t hurt anything, because the Rede says so! So we don’t eat animals, because animals are people TOO! You know those meanies say that plants are alive too but they’re just huffy because they’re carnivorous and angry and not enlightened like us. But you look like a really NEAT person! You just might be PERFECT to join our group!
At MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW, we believe that the God and Goddess have always watched over us, since thousands and thousands of years ago when everyone was Wiccan and bisexual and nothing bad happened and everyone lived in peace and harmony eating only fruits and berries and frolicking merrily through the summer fields. And they watched over us when the Bad Men came and conquered our peaceful ancestors and forced them to do horrible things like worship male deities and eat meat. And then they watched over us still when MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF WOMEN AND CATS BURNED AT THE STAKE FOR THEIR FREEEEDOM!!!!
Anyway. Teehee! So the God and Goddess love each other, and they love you too, even if you don’t think they love you, because they do love you, and we love you, and we love everyone, except the mean people who disagree with us. But we love them anyway!! Even though they’re mean!!!
But the God and Goddess know who we really are, and I’ve been Wiccan for all my lives, so I know everything firsthand, you know? Those sillyheads and their stupid “books” and “facts,” yanno? What the heck are THEY so riled up about? I would SO think I know better than them, ’cause I was Cleopatra in one life and then this one other time I was this Druid priestess so like I remember all those lives because I’m enlightened.
MWCGGBUMHHWDSSESFGBLW has this Book of Shadows that was passed down from my mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother’s mother. And it was first written by my first incarnation in that one ancient place thingy in that cool swirly language. Yea. It’s really cool.
I’d tell you more but um you have to be one of us to know so just fill out these few questions so we can make you one of us and then we’ll tell you the secrets of the universe and give you a neat bumper sticker. If you answer no to any of these questions, maybe we’re not right for you, but that’s okay…when you stop being a regular human and maybe get reborn as a Witch like us (’cause see we were all born with all these powers because we were chosen and that’s why we’re all together because only special Natural Witches like us can have covens) we’ll let you try again. Because we love you.
1. Do you watch The Craft religiously?
2. Do you only eat plants?
3. Do you swear to worship ONLY the Light????
4. Isn’t George Clooney hot?
5. No really, I’m sooo totally serious, don’t you think he’s like maybe the reincarnation of Adonis or something?
6. Aren’t bunnies cute?
7. Aren’t Xtians just sooo totally sucky?
8. Can you proof it, hnu?
Thank you for applying, we hope to hear from you SOOOON!!!
Love and light and fluffy truffled lollipop ice cream cuddly snuggly wuggly huggles!!!
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