the daily humorscopes for friday, june 8

the daily humorscope 

Friday, June 08, 2012

 

Aries

(March 21 – April 19)

You would be ill-advised to try to shoot kidney beans out your nose, today. (Yes, I know you were thinking of it.)

Taurus

(April 20 – May 20)

Go wild today! Try a different brand of ramen noodles — or even go so far as to sprinkle a little chopped green onion over them!

Gemini

(May 21 – June 20)

You will think of something hysterically funny, but not have anyone to tell it to.

 

Cancer

(June 21 – July 22)

Good day to go around “nudging” people.

Leo

(July 23 – August 22)

You’re fussing with your hair too much. Perhaps you should temporarily cut back on shampoo. Or at least demand real poo.

Virgo

(August 23 – September 22)

Would you just Stop? Nobody else feels the need to dance around like that…

Libra

(September 23 – October 22)

While idly doodling on a notepad, today, you will accidentally draw a symbol sacred to an ancient voodoo deity, and will open a gap into part of the astral plane that is even less appealing than Akron, Ohio.

Scorpio

(October 23 – November 21)

You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That’s just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.

Sagittarius

(November 22 – December 21)

Chaos will ensue, when you are accidentally hit by a motorist, just as a bus full of lawyers specializing in insurance claims is passing by on the way to a conference. The bus will literally erupt into a heaving mass of clawing, screaming, and briefcase-bashing lunatics. Eventually they’ll take out a class-action lawsuit against you.

Capricorn

(December 22 – January 20)

Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named “Brutus”, it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective…

 

Aquarius

(January 21 – February 18)

You will see an ancient symbol appearing in the whorls of your fingerprints. That, combined with the dreams of apocalypse may make you worry. I wouldn’t though — it’s just a vitamin B12 deficiency.

 

Pisces

(February 19 – March 20)

You should look into some of that new “dream interpretation” software. That recurring dream about being naked in a hot tub with the Pope and Bill Gates is probably a really common one.

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Daily Cosmic Calendar for June 8th

Last night’s Sun-Mars 90-degree contact is still reverberating in the ethers. Fighting with dear ones won’t lead to resolutions. Projecting anger on well-meaning associates won’t solve business conundrums. A dicey, 45-degree link from Mercury to Vesta (6:29AM PDT) adds another tone of intensity and abrasiveness to the psychic atmosphere – as well as being a reminder to be extra careful with your assets and investments.  However, the universe is seeking to wave a white flag of negotiation and neutrality as the Moon in Aquarius forms flowing trines with Venus in Gemini (7:50AM PDT) and the Sun in Gemini (3:36PM PDT). Love vibrations begin to increase in wavelength.  There are also revelations galore on the spiritual and psychic levels of awareness – thanks to a harmonious trine from Mercury to Neptune in water signs (6:50PM PDT). Experiment with a digital or video camera. Play improvisational music on a favorite instrument for a change of pace. Try your hand at rhymed poetry, limericks or haiku.  Strange forces are on the prowl as Friday night morphs into Saturday morning since Jupiter forms a contra-parallel with Pluto (11:21PM PDT). Being a fanatic or extremist in any fashion is following the wrong celestial instructions. Greed and arrogance bite the dust. On the other hand, delving into esoteric philosophy, psychology and mysticism can bring you rare insights. Resolve that you can remain optimistic and self-confident in a serene manner as the weekend begins in earnest.