the daily humorscopes for thursday, june 9

the daily humorscope 

Thursday, June 09, 2011

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
A man with a large machine will enter your house, and make you totally miserable.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Ooh! Oh. I should have warned you. I’m sorry.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Today, everyone around you will make you severely annoyed. The important thing is to remember that, in the long run, they’re all dead.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Someone will ask you how you are, today, for the millionth time, and you know they actually couldn’t care less. I’ve found that the best reply in this case is usually “Did you know that there’s a spider on your neck?”
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
An elderly Chinese gentleman will drop by for a visit. You’ll spend the entire visit in complete silence, except for the occasional clink of a teacup in a saucer.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You will write some office email soon that positively sparkles with comic irony. You’ll be asked to knock it off.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Nothing especially remarkable will happen today. You will get a strange urge to talk like Ziggy Marley, but it will pass.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Good time to invest in stock. (The canned kind, not the dry kind.)
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Someone nearby will read something out loud to you soon, which you might consider fairly obvious – such as “Blows to the head are a common cause of brain damage”. The best reply to this is “Huh?”
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Following up on your accidental observation of the “sock dimension” (remember that sock you saw re-materializing a while back?), you will invent a machine to let you cross over the dimensional barrier. Sadly, you’ll be one dimension off, and will pop into the lost pen & pencil dimension, where you will be severely poked.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You may lose sight of what is truly important to you, if you’re not careful. In other words, it not whether you win or lose, it’s whether you end up with your leg in a cast for 3 months.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You’ve been secretly considering joining a support group for people with your affliction. That is a good idea, but you’ll never do it if you don’t work up to it gradually. A good place to start might be to subscribe to a magazine on the topic, such as “Nose Bleeders Quarterly” or “The Nose Troubles Times”.
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Good Thursday Morning Dearies!

I hope everyone is having a lovely Thursday so far. I am Spring Cleaning. I know it is a little late for Spring Cleaning but it is 105 outside. I just hate to see July and August if the temperatures are already like this. Alaska here I come! I started outside this morning. I went and bought a new water hose and also Round-Up. I was going strong at 5:30 a.m. I had to dodge two wildcats every time I made a move.

“AND HERE I MUST INTERJECT A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT’

I mentioned wildcats. I don’t know if you heard it on TV last night or not. But if you live in a wooded area were wildcats are known to roam, you need to be aware of this. There is a tick that lives on the wildcats. The ticks fall off the wildcats and gets on our indoor cats (only if you let them out). The ticks get on the indoor cats when they go outside. And give them “wildcat fever,” this is a fatal disease and there is no known cure for it. They said the cats get sick and they don’t know what it is till they do blood work. Then they find out the cats has “wildcat fever,” and it is too late, just a matter of time before the cat dies. They said the best way to avoid this is to keep your cats inside.

I caught hell last night for playing with two of my wildcats. But I don’t figure Stinker is in any danger. He is not close to them or around them. I am the one around them and I have always made it a practice to check myself for ticks.

Then I get throwed in my face perhaps I caught something from them. Remember when I had all the knots suddenly appearing on my head. Nobody knew what was causing the knots. Who knows I still have them popping out and (knock on wood) they haven’t killed me yet.

I love how this goes from me working my butt off to wildcat fever, Gee! Well I am going to go get me some more Cranberry juice (I have got to the point I crave this stuff, weird, huh?) and start posting. I hope everyone have a lovely day. Remember to keep your cats inside. Give’em a hug and kiss for me!

One more thing, you will notice there is a new post on the blog today, “Saint of the Day.” I have been asked by several Practitioners if I would include this daily and I said yes.  So “Saint of the Day” will become a regular feature now. If you have anything you would like to see or request, just let me know and I will get it on here for you.