Posts Tagged With: Food

A Little Humor for Your Day – A Letter To My Dogs & Cats

A Letter To My Dogs & Cats

 

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don’t.

2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (That’s why they call it “fur”niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids .they eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes, and don’t need a gazillion dollars for college – and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

 

Source:
Jokes Warehouse.com

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Daily OM for May 4th – Clearing Our System

Clearing Our System
Food Allergies

In this day and age we know so much more about our relationship to food than our predecessors, and the way we eat and think about food has become almost unrecognizable to our grandparents’ generation. One example of this is our awareness of food allergies, a condition that has recently entered the collective consciousness. Most of us know someone who is allergic to such commonplace foods as wheat and dairy, and we may even be prone to such an allergy. Understanding how our bodies react to food, and making the necessary adjustments in our diet, can have a profound effect on our whole energy system, and can be the key to shifting our mind into a state of greater clarity.

When we are continuously exposed to a food that gives us an allergic reaction, we feel lethargic, foggy-headed, or as if we always have a low-grade sinus infection. Other symptoms can include nausea, digestive difficulties, skin problems, and difficulty breathing. Many of us have been fighting these symptoms our whole lives without realizing that getting relief could be as simple as cutting a particular food out of our diet. When we do, we feel as if we are waking up out of a fog, and our whole system, cleared of substances that work against it, benefits. Many people see skin improvements, they sleep better, have more energy, and feel able to think more clearly. When we feel less than well, testing ourselves, or getting tested by someone else, for food allergies may be a good place to start.

If you know how to do kinesiology, or if you work with a pendulum or have access to clear signals from an inner guide, you can test yourself. If these modes of gaining information are unfamiliar or uncomfortable, you can get tested through a doctor of your choice. However we go about it, exploring our relationship to the foods we eat can be the first step to a more optimal state of health, well-being, and clarity of mind.

Source:
Daily OM

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Secret Fantasy Sex Magick

Secret Fantasy Sex Magick

Gather together your lover, a red candle, two pieces of paper with pens to write, three  drops of honeysuckle oil, and a half cup of olive oil. Your should do this spell with your love as a way for both of you to become closer in your  relationship.
After dark, begin with your lover by lighting the candle and dedicating it to the fire of your love:

Glowing flame burning bright

Be the fire of love tonight.

Now it’s time for each of you to write down your fantasies about each other. Let your  imagination run wild. The idea is to bring the ideal and real together into not only one glorious and magnificent night, but a lifetime of  them.

Add the honeysuckle oil to the olive oil. As you do so, say:

Sweet flower of divine love

Empower this oil with your passion.

As you and your lover rub the oil all over each other’s bodies, describe your most wild  fantasies as you wrote them out on the pieces of paper. It’s up to you and your lover as to whether you want to act on them. Allow the candle to safely  burn down.

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Moon Love Potion

 Moon Love Potion

This love potion will attract the gifts of the fairies as well as fill you with moonlight, starlight and divine delight.

You will need three handfuls of dried barley grain, hot water, a teapot, roasted barley tea, and a cup. Barley tea is great for getting your body in shape. It’s refreshing and cooling, and encourages harmony.

After dark, go outdoors and sprinkle two handfuls of the dried barley grain on the ground, one handful outside your front door and one handful outside your back door. Barley attracts fairy favors and gifts. As you sprinkle the barley in small clockwise circles, chant:

“Love, love, love, moon circles for the blessed fae.”

Go back indoors and heat the water. Pour boiling water into the teapot filled with a handful of roasted barley. Let the tea steep for about ten minutes. Pour a cup of tea, and slowly sip it. Before each sip, repeat:

“Love, love, love potion fill me with moonlight love, love, love potion fill me with starlight love, love, love potion fill me with divine delight So be it! Blessed be!”

Return any leftover tea to the earth. As you do say:

“Love, love, love blessed fae, Blessed be!”

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A Little Humor for Your Day – Elderly Couple Anniversary

Elderly Couple Anniversary

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.

“Just think,” the old man says, “we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago.”

“Well,” the old lady snickers, “what do you say — should we get naked?”

The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady says slyly, “My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago.”

“I’m not surprised,” replies the old man. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!”

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A Little Humor For Your Day – ’21 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex, lol!’

Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

1) You can GET chocolate.

2) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

3) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

4) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

5) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

6) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won’t mind.

7) The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.

8) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

10) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

11) You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

14) With chocolate there’s no need to fake it.

15) Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.

16) You can have chocolate at anytime of the month.

17) Good chocolate is easy to find.

18) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

19) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

20) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

21) With chocolate size doesn’t matter.

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The Witches Spell for Jan. 4th – Honey Jar & Candle Spell

Witchy Comments & Graphics

Honey Jar & Candle Spell

This magic spell can be worked on anyone’s name you want to sweeten. Depending on what relationship the person has to you, what special items you put into the name-packet, the colour of candle you choose, and the oil you dress it with, this trick will cause the person you name to like you more, to love you more, to favour your petition, to want to help you, to be sympathetic to your cause, or to forgive any wrongs you have committed. It can be used to influence and sweeten a judge in a court case, a loan officer at the bank, a boss from whom you want a raise, a teacher in your school from whom you want a good grade, a lover with whom you want a reconciliation, an in-law who has been back-biting you, or friend who has cut you off because of a foolish quarrel.

The following ingredients are needed
a jar of sweetener (see below)
a piece of paper
a pen
optional herbs, curios, and/or bodily concerns (see below)
a candle (choose the appropriate colour at the candle magic page)
a candle-dressing oil such as Special Oil No. 20 or Love Me oil

Get a small jar of sweetener. This can be honey, Karo Syrup, Crystal Syrup, home-made brown sugar syrup, Log Cabin Syrup, Vermont maple syrup, Bre’r Rabbit Blackstrap Molasses or whatever you desire — as long as it is in a container with a metal lid. You can buy the goods in a pint-size glass Mason jar or pour the sweetening of your choice into a jar of your own at home. All that matters is that it should be a short, squat jar with a metal lid, filled up to the shoulder of the jar.

In the old days, when skin colour was a lot more important to people than it is now, it was recommended that the colour of the sweetener match the skin of the person you wanted to sweeten. Thus, for a white judge, you might use Crystal Syrup, and for a Latino loan officer you might use light brown sugar syrup, and for a dark-skinned lover you might use Bre’r Rabbit Blackstrap Molasses. Frankly, these days specifying a person’s skin colour is not as meaningful as it once was (for which we can all be thankful), and today many folks prefer to use honey for the spell, no matter what the target’s skin colour is, because it is a natural sweetener and not man-made. I believe that if you just follow your own intuition and decide which sweetener you like the best, you can be confident that you have made the right choice.

Next, prepare your paper. Again, in the old days, we would be told to use white paper for a white person, tan paper for a high-brown, and rough old grocery-bag paper for a person of dark colour, but these days the type of paper you use can simply be a matter of personal style. I use the smooth, tan-coloured light-weight shopping bag paper because that is my choice, based on the way i was taught, which was that such paper is “pure paper” and better than parchment from the art-supply store. I prepare my paper by tearing it neatly on all four sides so there is no machine-cut edge. Of course some folks prefer parchment paper more, and they trim it square with scissors — and the spell still works for them. So go ahead and prepare your paper just as you wish and that will suffice.

Once you have got your paper together, write the person’s name three times on it, one name under the other like so

John Russell Brown John Russell Brown John Russell Brown Then you rotate the paper 90 degrees and write your own name across the person’s name, also three times: Abigail Samantha Little Abigail Samantha Little Abigail Samantha Little The result will be that the two names are crossed over each other, like a cross or a tic-tac-toe grid, and the other person’s name will be under yours. This is called crossing and covering their name. If the sweetening is being done for love, you can use a red ink pen. Otherwise, the colour of the ink does not matter. Now all around the crossed names, write your specific wish in a circle. If you need a guideline, lightly sketch the circle-shape with a pencil and then follow around it when writing with your ink pen. You must write your wish in one continuous run of script letters, with no spaces — AND WITHOUT LIFTING YOUR PEN FROM THE PAPER. Do not cross your t’s or dot your i’s. Just write the words in one run and be sure to join up the end of the last word with the beginning of the first word so the circle is complete. Then you can go back and cross your t’s and dot your i’s. To make it easy to connect the word together at the end, i have found it best to make my petition in the form of short commands, such as “help me favour me help me favour me” or “love me love me love me” or “forgive me come back forgive me come back.”

If you make a mistake — for instance, if you lift your pen in the middle of writing your petition-circle — throw away the paper and start it all over again. You want it to be perfect.

Other ingredients can be added to the name-paper if you wish — a piece of court case root for a court case spell, two rose petals for a love spell, a lump of sugar for a family member, two clove buds for friendship, bayberry root or sassafras root for a money spell, a pair of Adam-and-Eve roots for love, two small Lodestones for sexuality, a pinch of deer’s tongue leaves for a proposal of marriage, a square of camphor for cleaning out bad things of the past, and so forth.

If you are sweetening someone for love, then in addition to the name-paper and whatever optional herbs, roots, or minerals you choose, you must also get one of the person’s hairs and one of your hairs. If the hairs are long enough, tie them together. Otherwise, just lay them crosswise to each other. In either case, place them on the name-paper. Don’t ask me what to do if you can’t get their hairs ’cause i can’t help with that. Either work the spell without the hairs and expect a much lower rate of success or get the hairs! Don’t load the paper up with lots of other stuff thinking that if you can’t get the hairs that six different love-herbs and two lodestones will be as strong as two hairs. They won’t be.

Fold the paper toward you to bring what you want your way and speak aloud your wish as you do so. Turn the paper and fold it again, and again, always folding toward you, to bring what you want your way. Speak aloud your wish each time you fold the paper toward you. Fold it until it will not fold any more.

Open the jar of honey or syrup. To make room for the folded paper packet, you will need to eat some of the contents. Take out a spoon’s worth, and as you eat it, say, “As this honey [or syrup] is sweet to me, so will i become sweet to John Russell Brown [or the name of the person you are working this on].” You can do this three times — taking out three small spoonsful of sweetener and speaking your wish aloud each time. Push the folded paper packet down into the jar and close up the lid.

Dress an offertory candle (a 50 cent, 6″ long candle or a 25 cent 4″ long one, nothing fancy) with an appropriate anointing oil, or use Special Oil No. 20, which is specifically indicated in this type of spell. Use a white candle for general blessing and healing, a red one for sexual love, a pink one for reconciliation, a brown one for a court case, and so forth. (For a longer list of colour symbolism, see the page on candle magic.)

Stand the candle on the lid of the closed-up jar and light it. You can melt the candle to the lid with hot wax if need be.

Let the candle burn all the way out. Do this every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, for as long as it takes. Add teach new candle on top of the remains of the last one. I have seen people’s syrup-jar spells like this done for court cases that were continued for so long and required so many candles that you could not see the jar under all the dripped-on wax!

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Daily OM for February 3 – Redefining health

Redefining Health
Throw Away Your Scale

by Madisyn Taylor

No matter what our weight, we can use the cues from our physical and mental selves to judge how healthy we are.

Health is not a numerical concept and cannot be defined using statistics. Human beings, however, tend to want to quantify well-being into easily understandable figures. We feel compelled to ascribe numbers to every aspect of wellness, from the qualities of our food to our f

itness levels to the physical space we occupy. As a consequence of social pressures, we turn our attention away from health and focus instead on the most contentious of these figures—weight—checking our scales to see how we measure up to our peers and role models. Yet each of us is equipped to gauge our relative healthfulness without any equipment whatsoever. When we have achieved a state of wellness, we feel buoyant and energetic. Some of us are naturally slim, while others will always be curvy. No matter what our weight, we can use the cues we receive from our physical and mental selves to judge how healthy we really are.

When you throw away your scale, you commit to a lifestyle that honors the innate wisdom that comes from within your body and within your mind. It is logical to examine how you feel while considering your health—a strong, fit, and well-nourished individual will seldom feel heavy, bloated, or fatigued. If you have concerns regarding your weight, remind yourself that at its proper weight, your body will feel buoyant and agile. Movement becomes a source of joy. Sitting, standing, walking, and bending are all easy to do because your joints and organs are functioning as they were meant to. When you are physically healthy, your mind will also typically occupy a place of well-being. Mental clarity and an ability to focus are two natural traits of whole-self health. Surprisingly, promoting this type of easy-to-discern wellness within yourself takes no special effort outside of satisfying your hunger with nourishing, wholesome foods and moving your body.

The numbers you see on the scale, while nominally informative, can prevent you from reaching your healthful eating goals by giving you a false indicator of health. You will know when you have achieved true health because every fiber of your being will send you signals of wellness. When you choose to listen to these signals instead of relying on the scale, your definition of well-being will be uniquely adapted to the needs of your body and of your mind.

Daily OM

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