How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.
8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
Posted in Articles, Daily Posts
Tagged Beverage, Boss, boss shops, Business, Coffee, Colgate-Palmolive, Insanity, Mental Health, Mosquito net, Office
On ‘National Coffee Day’ I thought that I’d share what magically delicious traditions have to say about this beverage. Mystical thought says that drinking small amounts of coffee or tea stimulate the mind and energize the body. So the next time you sip, make that your clear intention and turn your coffee break into a conscious and sacred experience.
By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com
~Glowing Hair Coffee Rinse Recipe~
This is another recipe that I have not tried, but it looks interesting. Supposedly, this really works for great hair, after just one application. Make a strong brew of coffee, as strong as possible and then allow it to cool until it is warm…not hot. Apply to dry hair and keep it on for 20 minutes, then rinse with warm water.
Posted in Articles, Baths/Soaps/Foams/Shampoos, Daily Posts, Pagan Craft Making
Tagged Beauty, Beverages, Coffee, Hair, Hair Care, Hair conditioner, Health, Shopping
The Joy of Coffee
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures: it leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz: it leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal ™: for thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the prescence of Juan Valdez: thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell forever.
Signs That You Drink Too Much Coffee
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people’s fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
- You can type sixty words per minute… with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- No-Doze is a downer.
- You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
- You don’t sweat, you percolate.
- You buy half-and-half by the barrel.
- You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
- You don’t tan, you roast.
- You can’t even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
TO STOP A PERSON CAUSING HARM TO YOU
White candle; Favorite incense; Brown paper;
Lead pencil; Spoonful of used coffee grounds
Light a white candle and your favorite incense.
Meditate a short while on the problem. Invoke the Spirits of Protection.
Take a piece of brown paper, like from a grocery bag, on it use a lead pencil to print and
write the name of the offending person or people.
If unknown people are involved, also print and write,
‘and all persons unknown that are causing harm to me!’
Cross off each line forcefully and say, forcefully: I freeze name(s) to be bound by this
spell, unable to cause any more harm to (name(s)! As I will, so mote it be!
Put a spoonful of used coffee grounds on the brown paper, fold it small, and place it in the freezer.
Leave it until the problem is completely resolved.
I wrap a rubber band, string, twist tie, or what have you, to keep the coffee grounds from
falling out of the paper. You can also use a zip lock bag.
Be sure and burn the candle completely up. Don’t use that candle for a different purpose.