Posts Tagged With: Cat

A Little Humor for Your Day – Dog vs. Cat Diary

Dog vs. Cat Diary

This classic dog versus cat diary has been circulating the internet for  years, maybe since the advent of internet humor. However, I was not able to find  the original author so this humor-filled comparison between felines and canines  remains anonymous (if you know who the original author is, please let me know!).   Personally, I just read it for the first time last month, so I thought it  was worth sharing it with Care2 readers. Whether you have read it before or are  reading it for the first time, ENJOY!

 

The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM – Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 

The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They  dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some  sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly  clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to  disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and  dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into  their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities.

However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little  hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in  solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the  noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power  of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my  advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my  tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again  tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The  dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more  than willing to return. He has obviously gone mad.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards  regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged  protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

 

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A Blessed Saturday To All My Friends & Family!


Good Afternoon to everyone! I hope your Saturday is going better than mine. With me, it seems to be one thing after another. Life ever do you that way? I just found out our riding lawn mower is trash. The grass just happens to be up around your knees at the cabin. I been on Ebay looking at the prices there. I wanted an idea of what one cost and I swear, I guess I will get a herd of goats. I looked for even a push mower and they didn’t even have one listed. What, push mowers go out of style or something?

My old bobcat has a wonderful way of bringing up stray or hurt animals. I think Mystie might have mentioned this, I can’t remember. But we were sitting out on the porch. Up comes the old bobcat, then we heard this strange meowing sound. I told Mystie to stay on the porch and I went out in the field. I started calling to it and up came a stray, mangled, beat to death kitten. When the kitten came to me, she was scared to death to see it was a human calling her. But I slowly approached her and she let me touch her. I started to pick her up and at first she wouldn’t let me. Then the old bobcat came out and started loving all of me. Thank goodness, I guess he was telling her I was alright. She let me pick her up and I almost died. Her sides were sunk in to where they met. Her hair was in clumps, some of it missing and her back leg was tore all to pieces. I think something had bit her that was poisonous. So I brought her on the porch and told Mystie to go get a can of food. I put her down on the porch and opened the can. You have never seen a kitten eat like she did. She was starved to death almost. I petted her while she ate and cried and cried. I really didn’t think she was going to live, especially after I looked at her leg. It had all the hair messing on it. You could see the skin, then there was this horrible, deep bite. The bite when to the bone in places and also around her entire leg. It made me sick. So I made her a bed and fed her another can of food. About half way through that can, she finally quit eating. I figure she had been following her mother around and the mother came in heat again. The tomcats trying to mate with mommy dearest try to kill any kittens she has left from the previous litter.  So I figure that is what happened to this one. Again, thank goodness for the old bobcat or this kitten would have died.

It has been several days since the kitten showed up. I have been feeding her and she has been eating like a horse. But she wasn’t putting on any weight. Her poor leg was getting worse by the minute too. I had to try to fatten her up some before I even touched her leg. If the infection spread and she was weak it would kill her. I decide the other day she wasn’t putting on any weight, so I would have to chance it. I picked her up and talked to her very softly. Then she got scared when I started to run my finger down her leg. I still kept talking softly to her and she just turned and looked at me, eye to eye. I guess the poor thing saw then the tears swell up in my eyes. I was scared if I did it, I would kill her, if I didn’t she would die. She looked at me like she understood what I was going to do. So I got to the bite and before I knew it, it ruptured and puss flew every where. It was nothing but old, stinky, soured infection. And thank the Goddess it came out. I decided after this she needed an antibiotic also. I stopped at the local vet I generally use and he calls me when he needs an animal picked up. I walked in and we talked, I told him what I needed. He went and got it and I be damned he charged me full price for it. We usually get a discount, not this time. I paid it because the kitten needed it. But I mean really, he knows damn good and well what we do. Not to mention, I have picked up hundred of animals from him and he charges us full price for a bottle of medicine. I have been putting the medicine on the kitten’s leg and she seems to be doing better. At least now, she isn’t limping around, which is a good thing.

But it seems like here recently, every time I turn around I am getting shit on. Finally got financed for the A/C and heating unit. Turned it down. The cost of the unit is $3600. Well I wanted to borrow $4000 because I have a floor to replace also. I figured get it all done while I was at. The finance company was very generous, NOT! The interest was 24% and the monthly payment was going to be $170.00. I just shook my head. We can hardly meet our bills now and take on a payment like that, forget it. I would be committing suicide to do something like that. Damn!

So you see, I just really hate to get out of bed these days. It is like, what’s going to happen today to cost me a million dollars? I am sure though I am preaching to the choir. I know you all have your problems too. But you know it feels good to get all this crap off your chest. You see, you are the only group of friends I would tell all this too. I guess the reason being is because I am behind a computer screen and I can talk freely. I don’t tell anyone in real life this stuff. I keep it all bottled up. I keep my head held high and a smile on my face like nothing is wrong. When in reality, my whole world is collapsing around me. And I hate to tell you all this crap but it does some good to get it off my chest.

Thank you for listening, dear friends. With you, I don’t feel like I am alone in the mess. I hope I haven’t depressed you too much. If I have I have some really great “knock, knock” jokes to cheer you up, LOL!

I have wrote long enough on this one. Yes, this one! I have another to write to address some comments in the back. I sincerely hope you have a blessed Saturday and please keep me in your prayers.

I love you, my dear brothers and sisters of the Craft,

Lady A

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Donations Are Now Needed Desperately

donations_needed

The last time I asked for donations I came across like a pit bull. I am so sorry for that. Lady Abyss doesn’t shed tears but she did that day. To see such a strong woman break down and cry, rips at your heart. It was also brought to my attention, to give people a little notice. That is what I am doing right now, lol!

We have a very great need right now. Everything here is hungry. We have cut back on the number of animals we are accepting but we still have some. We have had to cut back on their food portions, barter with the local farmers and farm store owner.

I realized our need was extremely great last night. Lady A and I were sitting out on the porch. We heard a strange cat call. Lady A can sound like any animal in the book. So she started calling back to it. She told me to stay put because there was something wrong with. When it got closer, we could see it was a kitten. It’s stomach was sunk in from hunger and the little thing was a bloody mess. Lady A told me that is what happens to kittens who follow their mother around when they come back in heat. The tomcat will stop the kitten from eating, bite it and eventually rip its throat out. Lady A cried when the kitten came closer and closer. The little thing climbed up in her lap. She checked it out. It’s upper part of it’s foot had been bite clean through. It had horrible bite marks on its back. It was in pitiful shape. Lady A told me to go get in her cat’s food and bring a can out. She opened it up and at first the kitten didn’t know what it was. She took her finger and put it in the food and it started eating. After it got through, we cleaned him up. He will be a pretty kitten now that he has a chance to grow up.

I never stopped to realize till then how cruel animals can be to their own offspring. But what did I expect they are animals. But we are not animals and we have the power to make a difference. Please help us care for this little kitten and all the other’s here.

Remember as before it doesn’t matter if it is $1.00 or 100.00, all donations are greatly needed and greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for reading this and any help you can offer.

Mystie

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Ensure Happiness

To ensure happiness in a home, you might wish to fill a window box or ranks of flowerpots with hyacinth, lavender, marjoram, catnip and morning glory (careful-it creeps everywhere).

 

The Magical Household: Spells & Rituals for the Home
Scott Cunningham

 

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Loving Household

Those desiring a loving household may wish to include such common plants and flowers as the gardenia, primrose, spearmint, tomato, pansy, jasmine and catnip, and (if space is no problem) a few trees, such as cherry, apple, orange, maple and willow.

 

The Magical Household: Spells & Rituals for the Home
By Scott Cunningham
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Peppermint

Peppermint

This herb can be added to any other tea.  It tastes good and it helps fight
fever.  It also helps many herbs, such as catnip and fenugreek, get to work
faster.  I particularly recommend mixing it with raspberry leaves to reduce
menstrual flow and mitigate cramps.  The only caution I have here is for those people who have mint allergies.

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Life As The Witch – So how do you know if your pet is a familiar?

Witchy Comments

 So how do you know if your pet is a familiar?

Well, the easiest way is to ask them. But if you don’t happen to speak cat, dog, snake, or gerbil, then watch their behavior when you are practicing magick. Do they ignore what you’re doing or try to take part? Do they meow or howl when you are reciting a spell? Are they always chewing on the sage smudge stick?

An animal will usually let you know by their actions if they want to be a part of your magickal practices. If they’re not interested, there is no point in forcing them. A pet either is or isn’t a familiar by nature. There is no training that will change that.

Can you actually seek out and find a familiar if you don’t have one? Yes and no. It isn’t usually obvious before you bring an animal home whether or not they will be suitable for such a role. My advice, as an expert in such matters (cats are experts in pretty much everything, in case you didn’t know), is to never get a pet only because you think it will make a good familiar. If he or she turns out to have no magickal inclinations, you will only be disappointed and resentful.

On the other hand, if you are ready to open your home to a new companion anyway, and would like to have one that will share your magickal life, you can always ask the gods to send you a familiar-or do the spell that appears later in this book. Then, when you are looking for the perfect pet to add to your household, you can try to open all your senses and see if you can spot one with that extra something.

Just be sure you will be happy to have that animal (even if it is a dog) whether it turns out to be a familiar or not.

Familiars tend to come to you when they are ready or feel that you are; it isn’t something that can be forced. If you do end up with a special animal, be certain that you never ask it to do anything dangerous or uncomfortable, and always say thank you at the end of every ritual.

And an extra treat or two wouldn’t hurt, either.

A number of the spells in this book are especially appropriate to do with the help of a familiar. These spells don’t have to be done with a familiar, so don’t worry if you don’t have one, but if you do happen to have one, this might be a good time to ask them to lend a paw.

Familiars help out with spellcasting in different ways, depending on the animal and the Witch (and sometimes the spell being used). Most often, the cat/dog/snake/whatever merely sits inside the magickal circle or on the Witch’s lap and lends their energy to the proceedings.

Some animals will participate more actively by moving objects around, making noise, or sitting on the spell while you are trying to read it. Either way, it is best to simply allow your familiar to work in whichever way comes naturally to them, rather than try to force some form of behavior or interaction. After all, your familiar knows best!

~Magickal Graphics~

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Joke-Of-The-Day ~ You Know Your A Cat Person When…..

You Know Your A Cat Person When…..

 

You do not consider an outfit  without some cat hair.

You believe there is no such thing as a naughty cat.

You decorate your Christmas tree with dangly cat toys.

Your neighbors refer to you as “the crazy one with all the cats.”

You set a place at the dinner table for your cat.

You snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down.

You spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids.

You have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering machine.

You chose a house to buy based on it having a good location for the catbox.

You consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber.

Nobody’s feet are allowed on the furniture, but your cats are welcome to sleep on any piece they so choose

You sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute!

Vaccination and licensing records for all your cats are in perfect order, but your checkbook hasn’t been balanced in months, and last year’s tax records are nowhere to be found.

You refer to going to the bathroom as “using the litterbox.”

You accidentally put your child’s dinner plate on the floor.

You apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.

You refer to your cat as your furry child.

Your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry “grandchild.”

You plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.

You accidentally call your spouse by your cat’s name!

You have a set of towels with “his” “hers” and “kitty’s.”

You call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat.

You and kitty have matching outfits.

You never go to the door unless it’s to let a cat out.

Your favorite friends have fleas.

You think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish to any meal.

You own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers.

You are lost for conversation with non-cat people.

You meow so well, you confuse the cats.

You bore the neighbors with discussions on the exact nutritional differences between 90 percent of your Internet connection time goes to the cats (seeing what’s new when you enter your cat’s breed into the browser, reading cat newsgroups, viewing photos, sounds and faqs, etc.).

All dates must pass your cat’s inspection

All kinds of things around the house are in need of repair, but the injured cat you rescued by the side of the road requires immediate surgery and out comes the checkbook

All of your charitable donations go to cat-related and humane society groups.

All of your clothes have cat hair on them, even when they come back from the laundromat or dry cleaners.

All of your furniture came to you second hand or via curbside discard, but your cat furniture is top of the line.

All your social activities revolve around other cat people Your voice is recognized by your vet’s receptionist

Any conversation you’re having is effortlessly directed back to the topic of cats

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