Posts Tagged With: Ally McBeal

A Little Humor for Your Day – Warning Signs That You Need A New Lawyer

Warning Signs That You Need A New Lawyer

You met him in prison.
During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”
A prison guard is shaving your head.
Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.
He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.
He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said . . .”
He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?”
Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
The sign in front of his law office reads “Practicing Law Since 2:25.”
Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”

 

Source:
Jokes Warehouse.com

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I Am Called Woman

I Am Called Woman

I am called WOMAN
Not because I’m feminine but
For who I am, have been thru, and aspire to be

Not because I’ve failed or lost but
Because I’ve tried, persevered, endured
Kept trying, cried…
Sometimes bitterly!

When the future seemed bare and fallow
The path under my feet
Rough, dry, empty, scorched
Hollow

I dug deep, very deep… far deep
Where rabbits and moles live
Hide, play, escape
Retreat

I have tasted the earth
Mud, sand, dryness, moisture
Manure, drought, death, haa-aah
Birth

I plunge downwards like a seabird
Grabbing what’s left of hope,
Gripping it tightly, remembering my bond
My word

Then like an eagle I rise
Clutching the unreachable,
Beholding yesterday from my loft
The skies

Finally… battle won!
Now I own the dream, enjoy the grandeur
For this reason I proudly stand
And am called WOMAN!

Copyright © 2010 Sophia Harvey-Manning

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