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A Little Humor for Your Day – Actual Lines from Resumes

Actual Lines from Resumes

 

I am very detail-oreinted.

My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!

Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

I am sicking and entry-level position.

It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.

If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.

My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.

You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!

I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.

Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.

Please disregard the attached resume—it is terribly out of date.

Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.

Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.

Previous experience: Self-employed–a fiasco.

Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.

My experience in horticulture is well-rooted.

Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.

I am a rabid typist.

Education: College, August 1880 – May 1984.

I have a bachelorette degree in computers.

Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.

Graduated in the top 66% of my class.

Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.

Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.

Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes.

I worked as a Corporate Lesion.

Special Skills: Speak English.

Served as assistant sore manager.

Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.

Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.

Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts.

Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis

 

 

Source:
Jokes Warehouse.com

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Daily Feng Shui News for October 24 – “Chrysanthemums”

Eastern traditions believe that the chrysanthemum holds mystical and magical powers that can bring you recognition and rewards, especially when placed in the ‘Fame’ area of your living space. Place a yellow chrysanthemum into that space anytime this month in order to increase your power and prestige, and possibly to get a promotion or raise in income too.

By Ellen Whitehurst for Astrology.com

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Psychic Tip of the Day for Oct. 24th – Getting Ahead

Psychic Tip of the Day

Friday, October, 24 2014

GETTING AHEAD

Your recent victories with a creative project have boosted your hopes for a successful partnership. Are you moving up in the world?

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Planet Tracker: Venus in Scorpio, Oct 23 to Nov 16

Planet Tracker

Venus in Scorpio

Oct 23, 2014 to Nov 16, 2014

Traditional astrology considers Scorpio to be a tough neighborhood for loving Venus, the planet of pretty and sweet. Scorpio, however, is not concerned with superficial good looks. It digs below the surface to touch fundamental human issues of power, fear, sex and desire. At this time, the evaluative properties of Venus may be directed beyond social niceties to reach into our deepest recesses and provoke needed change.

Venus and Scorpio share an interest in values. Part of the process, then, is to be more aware of what you get for what you give. Scorpio keeps score in relationships, albeit unconsciously for the most part. Jealousy is a possibility, but so is a level of emotional awareness that casts off illusion and gets to the heart of the matter. It may be necessary to exchange outer harmony for inner truth for relationships to grow and flourish.

Passions are likely to be more intense now. Likes and dislikes move beyond the containment of politeness and “correct” behavior. We are able to connect with gut feelings about what we need and don’t need. One of the challenges is to trust our instincts, even if they push us to rock the relationship boat.

This may also be a good time to resurrect old projects, artistic interests and partnerships. If there is essential value to be found, Venus in Scorpio can help you get it. Outmoded desires can be shed or transformed so that pleasure, love and appreciation rise from the ashes.

Tenacity and focus are Venus in Scorpio qualities found in the charts of athletes Tiger Woods and Chris Evert. Rockers Keith Richards, Jim Morrison, Patti Smith and Neil Young were also born with this combination. The sexier side of Venus in Scorpio is apparent in Bette Midler’s humor, several of Demi Moore’s films and the porn of Larry Flynt and Bob Guccione.

Steven Speilberg, Martin Scorcese and Oliver Stone express their Venus in Scorpio passion by directing movies, while Leonardo DiCaprio, Winona Ryder, Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Sigourney Weaver, Richard Dreyfuss and Goldie Hawn express theirs by acting in them.

Political Venus in Scorps include Hillary Rodham Clinton, Ed Koch, Jesse Jackson and Gore Vidal. The sign Scorpio’s association with Pluto, the planet of extraordinary wealth, makes it no surprise to find Venus in Scorpio in the birth chart of Bill Gates.

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The Wisdom of Buddha

The Wisdom of Buddha

What we think, we become.

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Crack the Cookie

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Your Daily Charm for October 24th is Conch Shell

Your Daily Charm for Today

Conch Shell

 

Today’s Meaning:
This aspect is affected by good financial fortune. Your good fortune will come from an investment, an unexpected windfall, or a change of vocation.

General Description:
In India and Tibet, and other countries were Buddhism is practiced, the Conch Shell is prized as a charm for oratory, learning, protection, good fortune and riches. As Conch Shells were used as the current coin among all the primitive peoples of the East, no doubt this has suggested their use as charms for bringing wealth. The Conch Shell is also one of the eight emblems of Buddha, all of which are used as talismans. They consist of the Wheel of the Law, Conch Shell, Lucky Diagram, Goldn Fish, Umbrella, Vase, Lotus, and the Turmpet of Victory.

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Your Daily MahJong Tile for October 24 is Plum Blossom, Symbol: Innocence

Your Daily Tile
October 24, 2014 

 

Plum Blossom
Symbol: Innocence

The Plum tile reflects renewal and viewing your world with fresh viewpoints. It is an inherently “happy” tile. The Plum tile also suggests inexperience—a trait you must not allow to make you an easy target.

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