July, the Seventh Month of the year of our Goddess, 2014

July pics

“Live in each season as it passes: breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit.”

–  Henry David Thoreau 

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  July, the Seventh Month of the year of our Goddess, 2014

July is the seventh month of the year. Its astrological sign is ruled by Cancer, the crab (June 21 – July 22), a cardinal water sign of the Moon. July is the month of the ripening. In orchards, fields, and gardens, nature moves toward the miracle of the harvest. In July heat, the Goddess fulfills her promise and oversees maturing crops. The Summer Solstice has passed, but nature pulses with life. Hummingbirds flash among the bee balm and mint varieties spread like wildlife. Water is an important magickal element in July. Birds refresh themselves in birdbaths. Thunder rumbles on hot afternoons, bring a promise of rain. Dragonflies skim the surface of ponds, and vacationers head to the shore. Salt water and seashells are good way to include the element of water in any rituals now. Independence Day, July 4, is the major holiday of high summer. Not only can we celebrate our nation’s independence, we can also give thanks for July’s abundance, which will sustain us during the coming months. We are blessed with richness in July, perhaps the reason the old ones referred to July’s Full Moon as the Blessing Moon. Magick during this Moon may include all forms of prosperity charms. When you cast a spell now, you will feel the stability of the Earth.

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Correspondences For July

NATURE SPIRITS: faeries of the crops, hobgoblins

HERBS: honeysuckle, agrimony, lemon balm, hyssop

COLORS: Blue, gray and silver

SCENTS: Orris and frankincense

STONES: pearl, moonstone, white agate

TREES: Oak, acacia, ash

ANIMALS: Crab, turtle, dolphin and whale

BIRDS: starling, ibis, swallow

DEITIES: Khepera, Athena, Juno, Hel, Holda, Cerridwen, Venus

POWER/ADVICE: July is strong in relaxed energy. A time to prepare do dream scaping, divination, meditation, and goals in the spiritual realm.

 

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Symbols for the Month of July

 July’s  Zodiac Symbols

Cancer (the Crab) June 22 thru July 22

Leo (the Lion) July 23 – August 22

July’s Birthstones

The Ruby, which symbolizes contentment.

July’s Flowers

Larkspur

July’s Trees

Northern Red Oak

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Monthly Observations for July

•International Group B Strep Awareness Month

•UV Safety Month

•Smart Irrigation Month

•Juvenile Arthritis Awareness Month

•National Hotdog Month

•Women’s Motorcycle Month

•Cell phone Courtesy Month

•Bereaved Parents Month

•Tour de France Month

•Sandwich Generation Month

•International Zine Month

•National Make a Difference to Children Month

 

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4th of July Comments

In July, We Celebrate The Fourth of July

 

The History and Origin of Independence Day

 

By the middle of the 1700s, the 13 colonies that made up part of England’s empire in the New World were finding it difficult to be ruled by a king 3,000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean. They were tired of the taxes imposed upon them. But independence was a gradual and painful process. The colonists could not forget that they were British citizens and that they owed allegiance to King George III.

 

A “tea party” and a “Massacre” were two events that hurried destiny. Along with general unrest these events united the colonists. In 1767 a tea company in India, owned by England, was losing money. To save the company, England levied a tax on tea sold in the colonies in 1773. Partly as a joke, Samuel Adams and other Bostonians dressed up as Indians and dumped a cargo of the India Company Tea into the Massachusetts Bay. King George III did not think it was funny, nor did he lift the tax on tea. In the Boston harbor, British soldiers were jeered and stoned by colonists who thought the soldiers had been sent to watch them. The soldiers fired into the crowd and killed a few citizens. The colonists exaggerated the number killed and called it a massacre.

 

Virginia took the first step toward independence by voting to set up a committee to represent the colonies. This First Continental Congress met in September of 1774. They drew up a list of grievances against the crown which became the first draft of a document that would formally separate the colonies from England. George Washington took command of the Continental Army and began fighting the British in Massachusetts. For the next eight years, colonists fought fervently in the Revolutionary War.

 

In the meantime, a war of words was being waged in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. On July 2, 1776, the Second Continental Congress presented & debated a second draft of the list of grievances, and John Hancock, the president of the Second Continental Congress, was the first to sign. The document, called the Declaration of Independence, was treasonous against the crown and the fifty-six men who signed it were in danger of being executed.

 

Independence Day is celebrated on July 4 because that is the day when the Continental Congress adopted the final draft of the Declaration of Independence. From July 8, 1776, until the next month, the document was read publicly and people celebrated whenever they heard it. The next year, in Philadelphia, bells rang and ships fired guns, candles and firecrackers were lighted. But the War of Independence dragged on until 1783, and in that year, Independence Day was made an official holiday. 1941 Congress declared 4th of July a federal holiday.

 

John Adams, a lawyer, the first Vice President and the Second President of the United States, was one of the members of the Second Continental Congress who signed the Declaration of Independence. He wrote to his wife, “I believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival… it ought to be celebrated by pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other…”

 

John Adams may have predicted the later Independence Day celebrations or perhaps he started traditions with his words. Every July fourth, Americans have a holiday from work. Communities have day-long picnics with favorite foods like hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, baked beans and all the fixings. The afternoon activities would not be complete without lively music, a friendly baseball game, three-legged races and a pie-eating or watermelon-eating contests. Some cities have parades with people dressed as the original founding fathers who march in parades to the music of high school bands. At dusk, people in towns and cities gather to watch the fireworks display. Wherever Americans are around the globe, they will get together for a traditional 4th of July celebration!

 

Source:

Author: Beverly Hernandez
Website: About.com

 

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Top 10 Founding Fathers

Significant Figures Who Helped Found America

 

The founding fathers were those political leaders who were part of the American Revolution and the founding of the new nation after independence was won. There were many more than ten founders that had a huge impact on the American Revolution, the Articles of Confederation, and the Constitution. However, this list attempts to pick the top ten founding fathers who had the greatest impact. Honorable mentions not included were John Hancock, John Marshall, Peyton Randolph, and John Jay.

 

1. George Washington – Founding Father

George Washington was a member of the First Continental Congress. He was then chosen to lead the Continental Army. He was the president of the Constitutional Convention and of course became the first president of the United States. In all these leadership positions, he showed a steadfastness of purpose and helped create the precedents and foundations that would form America.

 

2. John Adams

John Adams was an important figure in both the First and Second Continental Congresses. He was on the committee to draft the Declaration of Independence and was central to its adoption. Because of his foresight, George Washington was named Commander of the Continental Army at the Second Continental Congress. He was chosen to help negotiate the Treaty of Paris that officially ended the American Revolution. He later became the first vice president and then the second president of the United States.

 

3. Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson, as a delegate to the Second Continental Congress, was chosen to be part of a Committee of Five that would draft the Declaration of Independence. He was unanimously picked to write the Declaration. He was then sent to France as a diplomat after the Revolution and then returned to become first the vice president under John Adams and then the third president.

 

4. James Madison

James Madison was known as the Father of the Constitution, for he was responsible for writing much of it. Further, with John Jay and Alexander Hamilton, he was one of the authors of the Federalist Papers that helped persuade the states to accept the new Constitution. He was responsible for drafting the Bill of Rights that were added to the Constitution in 1791. He helped organize the new government and later became the fourth president of the United States.

 

5. Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin was considered the elder statesman by the time of the Revolution and later Constitutional Convention. He was a delegate to the Second Continental Congress. He was part of the Committee of Five that was to draft the Declaration of Independence and made corrections that Jefferson included in his final draft. Franklin was central to getting French aid during the American Revolution. He also helped with negotiating the Treaty of Paris that ended the war.

 

6. Samuel Adams

Samuel Adams was a true revolutionary. He was one of the founders of the Sons of Liberty. His leadership helped organize the Boston Tea Party. He was a delegate to both the First and Second Continental Congresses and fought for the Declaration of Independence. He also helped draft the Articles of Confederation. He helped write the Massachusetts Constitution and became its governor.

 

7. Thomas Paine

Thomas Paine was the author of a very important pamphlet called Common Sense that was published in 1776. He wrote a compelling argument for independence from Great Britain. His pamphlet convinced many colonists and founding fathers of the wisdom of open rebellion against the British if necessary. Further, he published another pamphlet called The Crisis during the Revolutionary War that helped spur on the soldiers to fight.

 

8. Patrick Henry

Patrick Henry was a radical revolutionary who was unafraid to speak up against Great Britain at an early date. He is most famous for his speech which includes the line, “Give me liberty or give me death.” He was a governor of Virginia during the Revolution. He also helped fight for the addition of the Bill of Rights to the US Constitution, a document with which he disagreed because of its strong federal powers.

 

9. Alexander Hamilton

Hamilton fought in the Revolutionary War. However, his true importance came about after the war when he was a huge proponent for the US Constitution. He, along with John Jay and James Madison, wrote the Federalist Papers in an effort to secure support for the document. Once Washington was elected as the first president, Hamilton was made the first Secretary of the Treasury. His plan for getting the new country on its feet economically was instrumental in forming a sound financial basis for the new republic.

 

10. Governor Morris

Governor Morris was an accomplished statesman that ushered in the idea of a person being a citizen of the union, not the individual states. He was part of the Second Continental Congress and as such helped provide legislative leadership to back up George Washington in his fight against the British. He signed the Articles of Confederation. He is credited with writing parts of the Constitution including possibly its preamble.

 

 

Source:
Author: Martin Kelly
Website: About.com

 

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 4th of July Comments

Top 5 Ways to Celebrate 4th of July

Ah, Independence Day… the crown jewel of summer extravaganzas. Because, really – on what other holiday are you encouraged to eat, drink, and bask in the sun whilst reflecting on all that’s great about the U.S. of A? There are no poignant memorial services, no “summer is over” dread (I’m looking at you, Labor Day). The Fourth of July is one giant, pride-filled, nationwide celebration, and the below are my top five suggestions for making the absolute most of it.

5. Throw a BBQ. Hosting a BBQ has the distinct advantage of forcing everyone to come to you, plus, guests are basically delighted to eat pretty much anything that’s been cooked over a grill, so your menu can be as simple as hot dogs and hamburgers or as fancy as steak and shrimp. Add some salads, a few bowls of chips and dip, some beer and soft drinks on ice, and some patriotic plates and napkins, and you’ve got yourself a celebration.

4. Host a Bonfire. While this may seem limited to an after-dark activity, it’s really a full day at the beach/river/lake/creek for you since you’ll need to arrive early to stake out a claim – and it’s so much fun! Instruct guests to bring their own chairs and blankets, and pack an array of coolers with drinks, snacks, and sandwiches, plus hotdogs and marshmallows for roasting over the fire. Firewood, matches, and roasting sticks are of course a must, as is an iPod (with speaker) loaded with a patriotic playlist. Distributing Fourth of July sparklers is encouraged but optional.

3. Organize a Block Party. Although it takes a lot of advance planning – plus the full cooperation of your neighbors – nothing says Americana and fosters a feeling of community like an old-fashioned block party. Just imagine red, white, and blue balloons (distributed in advance) on every mailbox; patriotic decorations on every porch (offering a prize for best decor will motivate people to participate); and tables laden with delicious dishes (strictly potluck). Be sure to check with your city about permit requirements, etc., well in advance, and plan to divide the bulk of the planning and work with a few key, enthusiastic participants.

2. Picnic in a Park. The art of picnicking has recently taken a glamorous spin, but in my opinion, retro is the way to go for Fourth of July. An ice-filled cooler of Cokes (bottles only, please), a hamper of cold fried chicken, a batch of potato salad, a tray of deviled eggs, a bag of chips, and a gorgeous apple pie are really all the sustenance you need for a sundrenched day of softball and badminton. And this menu is American – throw in some Hostess snack cakes and a dispenser filled with lemonade, and watch how the kids at surrounding picnics cast envious looks your way while regarding their quinoa salad with disdain. Dress things up with a star-spangled tablecloth and you’re golden.

1. Go to See Fireworks. This may seem like a given, but a shocking number of adults are put off by the inevitable traffic jams and parking snafus that go hand-in-hand with the No. 1 draw of Fourth of July. But consider this: Some of my favorite childhood memories are of sitting snug between my parents in a nearby high school parking lot, oohing and aahing over every burst of light in the sky while the sweet smell of ozone hung in the air. The rockets’ red glare and sounds bursting in air were absolute magic – and for a few moments in time, I and the surrounding oohers and aahers (including my dad, who would most certainly curse the traffic on the long ride there and back) shared the mutual awe of imagining the view that our forefathers had

So, whether you BBQ at home, host the entire block, or venture out to catch some fireworks, don’t miss the opportunity to celebrate this Fourth of July – it’s what amazing summer memories are made of.

 

Source:

Author: Marilyn Oliveira
Website: Huffington Post Home

 

4th of July Comments

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Have a Fantastic Wednesday! Got to Run for now!

 


I hope everyone has a very beautiful afternoon. I hate to run but I have a sick critter that requires my attention. You know how our babies are, they come first before anything or at least they think, lol!

 

Have a great evening,

See you tomorrow,

Love ya,

Lady A

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Incense of the Day for July 30th is TALISMAN CONSECRATION INCENSE

Incense of the Day

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 TALISMAN CONSECRATION INCENSE

2 Parts Frankincense
1 Part Cypress
1 part Ash Leaves
1 Part Tobacco
1 pinch Valerian
1 pinch Alum
1 pinch Asafoetida (caution)

Burn in an earthen dish and hold the talismans in the smoke. Warning: it smells!

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Gemstone of the Day for July 30 is Adamite

Gemstone of the Day

  Adamite  


(Color: typically green due to trace amounts of copper and/or uranium,  sometimes yellow,
occasionally purple due to trace amounts of cobalt, on rare white)

         Named for Gilbert Joseph Adam (1795-1881), French mineralogists, who supplied the
         first specimens.


Hardness: 3 1/2.                             
Specific Gravity 4.3 – 4.5
Chemistry: Zn2AsO4(OH), Zinc Arsenate Hydroxide       
Class: Phosphate Class         
Crystallography: Orthorhombic
Cleavage: perfect in two directions at non-right angles to each other                     
Fracture: conchoidal    
Streak: white to pale green                                
Luster: adamantine


Healing: Adamite is used to stabilize a persons inner emotions and helps one to express personal thoughts and ideas. Also instills one with the necessary courage to venture into the unknown.  Used in treating disorders of the lung and heart.

Workings: This crystal is useful in attaining material gain. As such it can be used to supplement the energy of Prosperity spells, Employment spells and the like.
Adamite falls under the astrological sign of Cancer. Adamite vibrates to the number 8.

Chakra Applications: Adamite is applied to the Third-eye Chakra in order to stimulate intellect. It is also applied to the Heart Chakra in order to stabilize the heart. Through the Heart Chakra it assists one in opening up, emotionally. Used to bring heart & mind together for balance and inner strength.

Foot Notes: Adamite produces bright green fluorescence under short and long UV light. Best Field Indicators are crystal habit, color, luster, density, fluorescence’s and associations.  Adamite forms as a secondary mineral in the oxidized zones of zinc and arsenic-bearing hydrothermal veins. Adamite is a minor ore of zinc. It is found in Greece, Chile, France, England, and Death Valley, California. Small crystals also occur in San Bernardino, California, and in Gold Hill, Utah. The most magnificent occurrence for this mineral is the Ojuela Mine in  Durango, Mexico.
Source:
Author: Crick
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Herb of the Day for July 30th is Bee Balm

Herb of the Day

 Bee Balm    



The name “Oswego tea” was coined by John Martram who discovered Native Americans and settlers in Oswego, New York, making tea from the leaves of this mint. All of the above ground parts of the flowering plant are used.

Medicinal Uses: Bee Balm has antibacterial properties because of its high thymol content. Bee Balm can be used as part of a first-aid-dressing regimen for cuts, abrasions, insect bites, and other wounds.
An infusion is good for colds, coughs, nausea, catarrh, headaches, gastric disorders, to reduce low fevers and soothe sore throat, to relieve flatulence, nausea, menstrual pain, and insomnia. Steam inhalation of the plant can be used for sore throats, and bronchial catarrh (inflammation of the mucus membrane, causing an increased flow of mucus). Externally, it is a medicinal application for skin eruptions and infections.                                                                   
Native Americans used leaf tea for colic, gas, colds, fever, stomachaches, nosebleeds, insomnia, heart trouble, measles, and to induce sweating. A poultice is used for headaches.

Magickal uses: Use in love charms and spells to attract a partner. Soak herb in wine for several hours, strain and share with a friend. Or, carry herb with you to find love. Also used in magical healing, and spells to ensure success.

Properties: Stimulant, carminative, rubefacient

Growth: A perennial with square-shaped stems, characteristic of herbs in the mint family. The roots are fibrous and spread via rhizomes. The leaves are lance-shaped, opposite, glabrous, fuzzy, and toothed. When bruised or damaged, the leaves are highly fragrant. The bright red flowers range from one to three inches terminal clusters each with dozens of tiny blossoms. The flowers are approximately one and a half inches long, ending in two lips (the upper one rigidly overhangs the other which has three spreading lobes). Bee Balm grows in dry, sunny meadows and sloped areas, preferring a full sun or partially shaded environment. Usually found in bracken grasslands, cliff areas, northern lowland and upland forests, southern upland forests, pine barrens, prairies, savanna, and sedge meadows.

Medicinal tea: To 1 tsp. dried herb add 1 cup boiling water, steep 10 min. sweeten to taste, take at bedtime.

Source:
Author: Crick

Website: The Whispering Woods

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Deity of the Day for July 30th is Nephthys

Deity of the Day

Nephthys

Goddess of Death, Service, Lamentation and Nighttime

Nephthys ((/ˈnɛpθɨs/ or /ˈnɛfθɨs/) or Nebthet/ˈnɛbˌθɛt/ (Arabic: نيفتيس Nyftys) is a member of the Great Ennead of Heliopolis in Egyptian mythology, a daughter of Nut and Geb. Nephthys was typically paired with her sister Isis in funerary rites because of their role as protectors of the mummy and the god Osiris and as the sister-wife of Set.

Nephthys is the Greek form of an epithet (transliterated as Nebet-het, and Nebt-het, from Egyptian hieroglyphs).The origin of the goddess Nephthys is unclear but the literal translation of her name is usually given as “Lady of the House,” which has caused some to mistakenly identify her with the notion of a “housewife,” or as the primary lady who ruled a domestic household. This is a pervasive error repeated in many commentaries concerning this deity. Her name means quite specifically, “Lady of the [Temple] Enclosure” which associates her with the role of priestess.

This title, which may be more of an epithet describing her function than a given name, probably indicates the association of Nephthys with one particular temple or some specific aspect of the Egyptian temple ritual. Along with her sister Isis, Nephthys represented the temple pylon or trapezoidal tower gateway entrance to the temple which also displayed the flagstaff. This entrance way symbolised the horizon or akhet.

At the time of the Fifth Dynasty Pyramid Texts, Nephthys appears as a goddess of the Heliopolitan Ennead. She is the sister of Isis and companion of the war-like deity, Set. As sister of Isis and especially Osiris, Nephthys is a protective goddess who symbolizes the death experience, just as Isis represented the (re-)birth experience.

Nephthys was known in some ancient Egyptian temple theologies and cosmologies as the “Useful Goddess” or the “Excellent Goddess”. These late Ancient Egyptian temple texts describe a goddess who represented divine assistance and protective guardianship.

Nephthys is regarded as the mother of the funerary-deity Anubis (Inpu) in some myths. Alternatively Anubis appears as the son of Bastet or Isis.

As the primary “nursing mother” of the incarnate Pharaonic-god, Horus, Nephthys also was considered to be the nurse of the reigning Pharaoh himself. Though other goddesses could assume this role, Nephthys was most usually portrayed in this function. In contrast Nephthys is sometimes featured as a rather ferocious and dangerous divinity, capable of incinerating the enemies of the Pharaoh with her fiery breath.

New Kingdom Ramesside Pharaohs, in particular, were enamored of Mother Nephthys, as is attested in various stelae and a wealth of inscriptions at Karnak and Luxor, where Nephthys was a member of that great city’s Ennead and her altars were present in the massive complex.

Nephthys was typically paired with her sister Isis in funerary rites because of their role as protectors of the mummy and the god Osiris and as the sister-wife of Seth.

Less well understood than her sister Isis, Nephthys was no less important in Egyptian Religion as confirmed by the work of E. Hornung, along with the work of several noted scholars.

“Ascend and descend; descend with Nephthys, sink into darkness with the Night-bark. Ascend and descend; ascend with Isis, rise with the Day-bark.”

Pyramid Text Utterance 222 line 210.

In the funerary role, Nephthys often was depicted as a kite, or as a woman with falcon wings, usually outstretched as a symbol of protection. Nephthys’s association with the kite or the Egyptian hawk (and its piercing, mournful cries) evidently reminded the ancients of the lamentations usually offered for the dead by wailing women. In this capacity, it is easy to see how Nephthys could be associated with death and putrefaction in the Pyramid Texts. She was, almost without fail, depicted as crowned by the hieroglyphics signifying her name, which were a combination of signs for the sacred temple enclosure (hwt), along with the sign for neb, or mistress (Lady), on top of the enclosure sign

Nephthys was clearly viewed as a morbid-but-crucial force of heavenly transition, i.e., the Pharaoh becomes strong for his journey to the afterlife through the intervention of Isis and Nephthys. The same divine power could be applied later to all of the dead, who were advised to consider Nephthys a necessary companion. According to the Pyramid Texts, Nephthys, along with Isis, was a force before whom demons trembled in fear, and whose magical spells were necessary for navigating the various levels of Duat, as the region of the afterlife was termed.

It should here be noted that Nephthys was not necessarily viewed as the polar opposite of Isis, but rather as a different reflection of the same reality: eternal life in transition. Thus, Nephthys was also seen in the Pyramid Texts as a supportive cosmic force occupying the night-bark on the journey of Ra, the majestic sun god, particularly when he entered Duat at the transitional time of dusk, or twilight. Isis was Ra’s companion at the coming of dawn.

Nephthys plays an important role in the Osirian myth-cycle.

It is Nephthys who assists Isis in gathering and mourning the dismembered portions of the body of Osiris, after his murder by the envious Set. Nephthys also serves as the nursemaid and watchful guardian of the infant Horus. The Pyramid Texts refer to Isis as the “birth-mother” and to Nephthys as the “nursing-mother” of Horus. Nephthys was attested as one of the four “Great Chiefs” ruling in the Osirian cult-center of Busiris, in the Delta and she appears to have occupied an honorary position at the holy city of Abydos. No cult is attested for her there, though she certainly figured as a goddess of great importance in the annual rites conducted, wherein two chosen females or priestesses played the roles of Isis and Nephthys and performed the elaborate ‘Lamentations of Isis and Nephthys’. There, at Abydos, Nephthys joined Isis as a mourner in the shrine known as the Osireion. These “Festival Songs of Isis and Nephthys” were ritual elements of many such Osirian rites in major ancient Egyptian cult-centers.

As a mortuary goddess (along with Isis, Neith, and Serqet), Nephthys was one of the protectresses of the Canopic jars of the Hapi. Hapi, one of the Sons of Horus, guarded the embalmed lungs. Thus we find Nephthys endowed with the epithet, “Nephthys of the Bed of Life,” in direct reference to her regenerative priorities on the embalming table. In the city of Memphis, Nephthys was duly honored with the title “Queen of the Embalmer’s Shop,” and there associated with the jackal-headed god Anubis as patron.

Nephthys was also considered a festive deity whose rites could mandate the liberal consumption of beer. In various reliefs at Edfu, Dendera, and Behbeit, Nephthys is depicted receiving lavish beer-offerings from the Pharaoh, which she would “return”, using her power as a beer-goddess “that [the pharaoh] may have joy with no hangover.” Elsewhere at Edfu, for example, Nephthys is a goddess who gives the Pharaoh power to see “that which is hidden by moonlight.” This fits well with more general textual themes that consider Nephthys to be a goddess whose unique domain was darkness, or the perilous edges of the desert.

Nephthys could also appear as one of the goddesses who assists at childbirth. One ancient Egyptian myth preserved in the Papyrus Westcar recounts the story of Isis, Nephthys, Meskhenet, and Heqet as traveling dancers in disguise, assisting the wife of a priest of Amun-Re as she prepares to bring forth sons who are destined for fame and fortune.

Nephthys’s healing skills and status as direct counterpart of Isis, steeped, as her sister in “words of power,” are evidenced by the abundance of faience amulets carved in her likeness, and by her presence in a variety of magical papyri that sought to summon her famously altruistic qualities to the aid of mortals.

 

Source:
Wikipedia

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A Little Thought from Me to You……

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WOTC Cartoon of the Day – ‘Our Next Generation, lol!’

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A Little Humor for Your Day – Things You Can’t Say With a Hallmark Card

Things You Can’t Say With a Hallmark Card

 

1. “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.”

2. “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”

3. “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.”

4. “As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”

5. “If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it’s your sister.”

6. “As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you’ve given me. Like the need for therapy…”

7. “Thanks for being a part of my life! I never knew what evil was before this!”

8. “Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You’ll probably need it again.”

9. “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re here.”

10. “Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?”

11. “You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.”

12. “Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday, so we’re having you put to sleep.”

13. “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?”

14. “Someday I hope to get married, but not to you.”

15. “Sorry things didn’t work out, but I can’t handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine.”

16. “Happy Birthday! You look great for your age…Almost Lifelike!

17. “Congratulations on getting Married! It’s not every day you decide to ruin your life!”

18. “I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected. While I’m dreaming, I wish you weren’t so damn ugly.”

19. “Sex with you is like using drugs. Lots of people do it, but nobody’s stupid enough to admit it.”

20. “When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”

21. “I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”

22. “We have been friends for a very long time. What say we call it quits?”

23. “If you didn’t have any money, I’d still love you. And miss you very much.”

24. “Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!” (available only in Virginia)

 

Source:
JokesWarehouse.com

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