Dysfunctional Greeting Cards
I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you’ve come into my life…
[Inside card] I’ve changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought religion into my life…
[Inside card] I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
[Inside card] That you’re not here to ruin it for me.
Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….
[Inside card] Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to marry…
[Inside card] Someone other than you.
Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
[Inside card] Almost lifelike!
When we were together, you said you’d die for me…
[Inside card] Now we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.
We’ve been friends for a very long time…
[Inside card] What do you say we stop?
I’m so miserable without you…
[Inside card] It’s almost like you’re still here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
[Inside card] Did you ever find out who the father was?
You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…
[Inside card] I’d miss you terribly and think of you often.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas
Looking back over the years we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder… [Inside card] – What was I thinking?
Congratulations on your wedding day!…
[Inside card] Too bad no one likes your husband.
My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire… [Inside card] I noticed your cat. Sorry!
Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don’t fret about it… [Inside card] She moved in with me.
How could two people as beautiful as you …
[Inside card] Have such an ugly baby?
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
[Inside card] So we’re having you put to sleep.
I know you hate me.
[Inside card] I hate you more and I have a reason.
Happy Birthday, Son.
[Inside card] We think you are old enough now to get a job and move out.