the daily humorscopes for monday, june 4
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will become trapped in the sofa, again. People will point and laugh.
You will spend another full day attempting to shuffle a deck of cards with your toes. Fortunately, nobody will find out.
Bad juju today. Stay well clear of West African carved figurines.
A man with a single eyebrow is following you. You haven’t borrowed any money lately, I hope?
This week you will angrily tell someone that you are more than just a name and a number! You are also punctuation!
You know that how you dress will invevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, your message is “Help! Help!”
Good day to buy chocolate for someone you love.
Beware of giant squids today. Other than that, a good day for a nice walk along the beach.
Today you will begin work on a life-size pterodactyl robot, which you will use to terrorize the city. Either that or you’ll take a nap. It just depends what sort of mood you’re in.
You will discover the secret to becoming a great artist! You can stick anything you want on the wall, the trick is to make people think deep thought went into it. For example, spray-paint a bathroom pluger gold, and stick little angel wings on it. Call it “Life In The Details”.
You’ll become part of the Formal Attire Resurgence movement. Be wary of the Casualist Party though – there’s someone out there just dying to spit on your spats.
Your sudden fascination with podiatry is nothing to worry about, and should fade with time. Eventually, the only remaining evidence will be your usual telephone greeting: “Hello, how are your feet?”