the daily humorscopes for monday, june 4

the daily humorscope 

Monday, June 04, 2012

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will become trapped in the sofa, again. People will point and laugh.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will spend another full day attempting to shuffle a deck of cards with your toes. Fortunately, nobody will find out.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Bad juju today. Stay well clear of West African carved figurines.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
A man with a single eyebrow is following you. You haven’t borrowed any money lately, I hope?
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
This week you will angrily tell someone that you are more than just a name and a number! You are also punctuation!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You know that how you dress will invevitably send a message to those around you. In this case, your message is “Help! Help!”
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Good day to buy chocolate for someone you love.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Beware of giant squids today. Other than that, a good day for a nice walk along the beach.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Today you will begin work on a life-size pterodactyl robot, which you will use to terrorize the city. Either that or you’ll take a nap. It just depends what sort of mood you’re in.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
You will discover the secret to becoming a great artist! You can stick anything you want on the wall, the trick is to make people think deep thought went into it. For example, spray-paint a bathroom pluger gold, and stick little angel wings on it. Call it “Life In The Details”.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You’ll become part of the Formal Attire Resurgence movement. Be wary of the Casualist Party though – there’s someone out there just dying to spit on your spats.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Your sudden fascination with podiatry is nothing to worry about, and should fade with time. Eventually, the only remaining evidence will be your usual telephone greeting: “Hello, how are your feet?”
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