Author: Aiko Ren
I write this to express my gratitude. I have always felt ‘less than’… something was missing. At a very young age, I turned to drugs to fill my void. I was a dirty junkie who could care less about myself. The statement ‘the body is a temple’ made no sense to me. I don’t want to get explicated but, in order for someone to understand my bottom, I have to share it. I had horrible hardships in my life. Some were a direct consequence of my drug use; others were because I was a victim. I would bruise my body injecting drugs and I would sleep around to obtain the next hit. I was raped several times, which caused me to lose faith in everyone and everything. I didn’t understand how there could be any good in the world if such horrible things could happen. I was always looking at things negatively. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was at the end of the road. It was either get clean and change, or die.
My clean date is May 11th 2010. When I surrendered my addiction, I started to look for a higher power. This was hard for me at first because my views were so different then everyone else’s’. I felt like no one understood my beliefs. I started to read about the Craft, first out of curiosity. The more I learned about Wiccan ways, the more I learned about myself. I started to understand the saying my body is ‘a temple’. I started to see all the good in the universe. I started to meditate and became driven to better myself. Today, I do the next right thing because that is the right thing to do. Wicca has brought hope into my life.
Even though I am new to living this path, I feel like I found my home. The feeling I received when I got clean is very similar to finding my higher power. I love myself today. I am a loyal girlfriend. I am a respectable daughter. I am a good friend. I am a witch. When I started to dedicate my life to the Craft instead of just reading about it, I was nervous about what others would think. This is a character defect of mine. I am a people pleaser. Once again I was thinking about what others wanted instead of what I wanted.
In the beginning, I was hiding it from everyone I knew; similar to how I hid my addiction. I was telling people I was at my friend’s house when I was really at my local metaphysical shop. I took out library books on Wicca and hid them from my family. I hid my ritual supplies under my bed. I felt guilty about this. I felt like I was ashamed of something. I have read about how society views Wicca and how some choose to hide their beliefs… but I didn’t want to be one of them. (I wasn’t going to tell random strangers, ‘hey I am a witch’ but I at least wanted to tell my family and my close friends.)
I finally came to the decision that a Wiccan was what I wanted to be and I started to take steps to become one. I began to read books in front of my family. As I continued to learn, I also educated them about Wicca. When they finally got over the whole, “why are you reading that devil worshipping stuff, ” and realized what Wicca really meant, they were accepting. This allowed me to practice the craft without feeling like I was lying to the world. When I finally shared it with my family and my close friends, it opened new opportunities. I started to search passionately for guidance. I shared with a close friend my newfound life and found out that she too follows the same path. I started e-mailing other people on this website to start building a support network.
I want to share a little bit more about how my family’s perspective on Wicca. At first, they were completely clueless about anything. They were afraid, thinking that I was dabbing in evil things. Then they believed that I was going to put spells on the family and try to make them turn to toads or something. The more they saw how happy and dedicated I was though, the more accepting they became.
I do not know much ‘about’ Wicca, but I ‘feel’ Wicca. (If that makes sense) I understand there are fundamentals, however I also believe it’s up to one ’s self to figure it out. I believe in practicing on your own, even though the joy of sharing it with someone seems so powerful.
I am writing this article not only to show my gratitude towards my newfound path but also to give a “newcomer’s” view. I am sharing my experience, strength, and hope to maybe touch someone else who is struggling. Maybe I will find someone who can help me. All I know is I had an overwhelming desire to write this article, and usually that means something.
Since I decided to follow the Craft I have a new perspective on life. I find gratitude in the small things. I have a renewed sense of the universe. Nature looks greener to me. Things that were once puzzling now make sense. The desire to find myself has always been a struggle for me, even before I picked up drugs. By following this path, by collecting knowledge, and by practicing, I am finding myself. I could continue on and on about how my life has changed since I made the decision to become a witch, but I know as you are reading this you are probably looking back on your life and feeling the same way. Our stories might be very different, but the feelings are the same.
I believe there are many paths to the same destination. Everyone can follow a different path and have a different story, but the universe brings us together for a reason. And that is powerful stuff.
Blessed be. Let the Goddess and God be with you.