I Walk My Own Path
Author: Melody BlueMoon
When I was younger, I never really felt a connection to my parents’ Christian God. I liked to hear the beautiful stories, but I just never felt like any of it was real for me.
As I grew up, I became almost irritated with my parents’ religion and started to act out spiritually. I watched The Craft, got obsessed with Charmed, and stole my sister’s copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. I started visiting websites about Black Magic, though the most I ever did was look at pictures and I cast one spell to make it rain and another to lose a few pounds. Neither worked.
When I got into middle school, I started to pay closer attention to Charmed and noticed a reoccurring word throughout the series: Wiccan. And being the internet-savvy child of the 90′s that I was, I Googled it.
I was intrigued. This wasn’t the dark, almost evil magic that I had dabbled with online. This was a rather beautiful religion, talking about things like The Goddess and ‘Harm none.’ I started looking up everything I could about this and other Pagan Paths.
I never did any rituals, or cast any spells, but I did discover that my sister was into similar things. My sister told me that my brother dabbles with Tarot cards, my great-aunts work with crystals, and my aunt believes in reincarnation…and that my very devout Catholic grandmother didn’t care what you believed in, as long as you truly believed in it. She also mentioned that the women of our family may or may not have some psychic ability, however small it was.
While Wicca had seemed attractive to me, after a year or two of researching and learning about this particular Path, I realized it simply wasn’t for me. I simply classified myself as an Eclectic Pagan for a while. I never felt quite right with any of the various established Paths, so I eventually gave up on finding a specific one. I had nothing against being Eclectic; I just wished I had something more definite.
Then, I discovered my own Path.
It came about because of a writing assignment for a mythology class. We had to create a culture and that culture’s mythology, its Creation Story, at least two of its heroes, and the creation of Man. As a writer, I wanted to make it perfect. I created so many gods and goddesses, worked so hard on the myths that I ended up handing it in late.
But the main thing is that while I worked on all this, I felt much more spiritual than any other time in my life, more connected, more like something was right. And while I don’t worship the Gods and Goddesses of that particular pantheon, it did inspire me to create my own personal mythology, my own personal religion. And so I set forth on My Path.
I looked at other mythologies, other religions to see what I wanted My Path to be like.
I read up on the Greek and Roman myths I had loved as a child. I reread my Children’s Bible and the Bible my mother bought me when I became a teenaged girl. I read the stories of the Native Americans and asked my Native friends for more. I bought mythology books, New Age books; I even bought a few books about angels and fairies. My sister took me to a psychic and I got a reading done. (And discovered my Power Animals: an Armadillo and a canine that she was unable to identify.) I looked to Africa, to Japan, to India. I looked at the Norse Gods of my Viking ancestors on my father’s side. I looked to the Celtic ones on my mother’s. I looked to Islam, to Judaism, to Buddhism, to Taoism. You give me an -ism, I probably looked into it.
I liked the idea of the Triple Goddess, but felt that the Crone wasn’t quite what I wanted. Nothing against her, but she didn’t fit. Maybe later on, but not yet. I liked the idea of a Mother Goddess, but didn’t want Her to just be Mother Earth; I wanted Her to be Mother Sky as well. I wanted Her to be a Goddess of the Moon, the Stars. I wanted a Goddess of Lust, Desire, Love. And I wanted her to be a little Dark. Not evil, but not exactly good either. (My first image of her involves her holding a heart and a dagger to stab it with.) She actually appeared in the mythology assignment, and has changed little from that first appearance. She even has the same name. Fire was always hers. I wanted someone to preside over Karma and/or Reincarnation. I wanted this god or goddess to be almost perfectly neutral, and to also preside, in some way, over knowledge.
And so I came across M, L, and S on My Path. (And at one point there was a J, but he moved on to another part of My Path, and received a new name.)
I discovered that M was to be a dark-skinned female with white or silver hair, to denote her connection to the Moon and the Night Sky. I’ll admit, the way I imagine the Goddess looks a bit like Storm of the X-Men. I discovered that L liked to change her appearance, but primarily had very pale skin and yellow eyes, her hair either deep red or black. I discovered that I couldn’t quite get a fix on what S looked like, but he wore Greek and Roman togas and cloaks.
I’ve always believed in reincarnation, at least a little. I liked the thought of a place between lives, not quite an afterlife, but a place to go after your life is over, and before it begins again.
And so I found Home.
As I worked with the Three Gods, I also came across Eight Sacred Warriors, four male, four female. I also discovered that they were the first to find Home and to inhabit it.
I’ll admit, that the purpose of this essay was a bit selfish; I don’t want to be alone. I want others to know some of my beliefs. I hope that someday I’ll be able to share them with another, perhaps a significant other, or my children. But the main point was to inform others who, while they have found Pagan Paths that seemed very attractive to them they just weren’t for them, that they can make Their Own Path, just as I have made My Path.
If there isn’t any particular religious Path that works for you, you can work on your own. After all, nearly every religious Path in existence today started out similarly. I’m not delusional enough to think that My Path will someday become a major religion, or even one that anyone other than myself follows. But it is mine, and I shall always think of it fondly, even if on My Path, I find another that suits better.
The downside of walking my own Path is that while I have a set of beliefs personally tailored to fit me, there’s really no one out there to talk to about them, as I’m the first to have these specific beliefs. I’ll never be able to walk around a Pagan event and stumble across a booth about my Path. Well, not unless it’s my booth. I can’t look on the web for a group for my Path.
But I Walk My Own Path, and you too can walk your own, if you truly wish it.
If you are Eclectic, but wish for something more definite as I did, you can do as I did. Again, nothing against Eclectic Practitioner, as I still refer to myself as an Eclectic Solitary Practitioner. What else can you call yourself when you walk a Path no one else does?