the daily humorscopes for wednesday, june 8

the daily humorscope 

 

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Go find something flat, and scribble on it. People have been doing that for tens of thousands of years, and it’s mostly been ok.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Good day to work on your catapult. You never know when it could come in handy. Besides, it’s good to worry your neighbors a bit — keeps them civil.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
No news is not good news, today. In fact, no news is at best mediocre news.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Today will mark the first time you’ve ever actually “wrestled” a largish reptile. Although an unexpected experience, you will find it strangely stimulating, and may decide to pursue it as a career.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Your obsession with Lapsang Souchong tea takes a turn for the worse, today, as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You still have way too much to do. You always have too much to do. If you were any more behind, you would be able to kick yourself. Ever try saying “no”? Sheesh.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Someone will ask you for your advice. Don’t give it! Or if they insist, simply shake your head solemnly, and mutter “Much bad juju”, and refuse to clarify. They only want a scapegoat.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Time to stop beating around the bush. Beat the bush itself. Give it a good thrashing, and say “bad bush!” in a loud stern tone.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You will notice an odd stone “egg” in an antique shop. Don’t bring it home. They’re very hungry right after they hatch.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
It was a simple mistake, which anyone could have made. What’s more, now you know better. I think, though, that the expression is too widespread for you to actually get it changed to “never look a gift horse in either end”.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to your leg, and will be impossible to remove. Eventually, you’ll simply get used to it.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Good time to get involved in the Fiber Arts. Why not see what you can do with Metamucil?
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